The stars are out tonight, and they are so pretty. It seems like a lot more than usual is out tonight.

Sorry i havent updated in a few days. I am right now letting my dog out, and i might update tonight before i go to bed about how the past couple of days have been going.

2009 is technically in less than 2 days.
It's the year i was suppose to graduate. =/

I think that calls for a huge long blog about 2008. (Which i might do tonight or tomorrow) So... Look out for it.

I am going to let my dog inside and go upstairs to my laptop.

(BTW, the dog in that picture above is NOT my dog. I will put up one of my dog later if you haven't already seen him)

Starting to get sleepy

Right now I am at Tori's house, and everyone fell asleep. I am barely tired at all, and still up writing this. Everyone fell asleep watching Tropic Thunder except me and Vinnie, but now he is probably asleep too. 

For Christmas I got a cool long-sleeved shirt, a whole bunch of giftcards, candy, Guitar Hero World Tour (drums, mic, guitar, everything) and Rockband 2. It was funny, at first we thought the drums were broken. The orange one wouldn't work when plugged in at all. Come to find out, it was plugged into the wrong thing. Vinnie noticed that problem when we were playing, and fixed it. It ended up working, and we were really happy because we thought we had stupid defective drums. I can't wait to go home tomorrow and start practicing up on them drums! I do pretty bad at it. My only trouble is the kick pedal. I am not use to it AT ALL.

Well, I am going to do some more site surfing to get more tired, and then go in the other room and go to bed. 

I love not being at home :)

Random, but, I remembered what I was going to write about that was on my mind. I feel like I am back on a routine again, and that really scares me. I HATE routines. My life is starting to feel like a movie again, and I can't stand it. Hopefully that will change soon.

NOW I AM GOING.

:)

Not Another JonJon Letting His Dog Out To Use the Bathroom Update =P

Sadly the title lies. My dog is currently using the bathroom and I am outside sitting on my bench. I tried to fix my hair back to normal, but it just wont go back!!!!!! I will just have to fix it next time i take a shower. It sucks, because, well... I don't know. I really dont like my hair like this, but it's not like i am going anywhere or anything, so I will live =)

I can't wait for Christmas tomorrow morning. Ohai Guitar Hero 4 and Rockband 2 for Wii. It's gonna be fun. =))))

It seems like i always make a mobile blog when i am letting my dog out to use the bathroom.

Today was pretty uneventful. I spent most of it being a myspace whore and playing guitar hero 1 and 2.

As you can see in my picture, my hair is back today. I got out of the shower and decided to keep it that way.

Well the dog is done and i am going to go inside and hang up more posters.

Emotional Rollercoaster

The title of this blog is the best way to describe how my day went.

My parents and family haven't been exactly nice to me. Except for my brother, he has done good, besides not taking me with him to go places to escape here. I went through a lot of confusion today, and anger today. My parents pissed me off so much. They left to go to the store at night, and I was still so angry, that I turned on my music, and turned it up extremely high. High enough to wear the subwoofer wouldn't pop (indicating it should be turned down). I blasted The Show Must Go On by Drop Dead Gorgeous. And as soon as the drums started, my heart raced and i screamed "EVERYONEEEEEE, LOVES THE DRAMA." and to my surprise... I actually screamed it. After I screamed it a little, I started singing. I made a perfect transit to screaming and singing without my throat hurting or it sounding bad. I was so amazed with myself, that my day started to get a little better. Then after that, my friend that I haven't talked to in a while IM'd me, and I was really glad that he talked to me. After that, my friend Skye txted me saying "Dood, I got txting!" and that REALLY REALL made my day. I have been waiting for her to get txting for a while because I am really phone shy and don't like to talk on the phone.  Then after Skye got txting, Maysie was telling me some stuff that made me laugh extremely hard. I am so glad I have amazing friends that can help me get through the day. 

I don't want to start a war or anything between my friends, but it really seems that my online friends are sometimes there for me MORE than my IRL friends. (IRL = In Real Life) It's very strange. I also kind it very sad sometimes that I can pour my heart, feelings, and secrets to a complete stranger online, but can't even say those things to my best friends.

On another subject, I really need to change my default picture and banner on here.

I am going to do that now.

asdfghjkl;

I am right now listening to Shut Up by Simple Plan.

I am sorry I keep on forgetting to blog in this.

I figured ever since I enabled mobile blogging, i'd be blogging a lot more, but there is a problem with that.

I don't go anywhere anymore.

Well, not since school has been out. I really haven't been anywhere. I have sadly been bound to my bed on my laptop talking to people and listening to music.

Something big happened today, but I would rather keeping it to myself.

Changing the subject...

I can't wait for Christmas.

I am so thankful my dad got what I wanted, because I really didn't think he was going to.

Saturday.

Right now it is almost 2am, and I am sitting in my formal living room, listening to Freak On A Leash by KoRn.

Today I did A LOT.

I woke up around 11, and Scott left around noon. Nicole came and picked me up a little bit after Scott left. We stopped by some boat place to get her dad something he needed and then delivered it to him. After that we back to Nicole's house and watched this show called Ninja Warrior or something. It was like a gameshow of people trying to be a ninja. I thought it was pretty interesting since I never watched it before, and the tasks seemed pretty crazy. After that we went to her brother's skating party for his birthday. He is finally 13. 

After that, we went to the mall for a while and then to taco bell. 

During the mall though, my thoughts started attacking me. I really hate it when they do that. I wish they would sometimes just leave me a lone. I was so happy until they started bothering me. They are seeming to bother me to much. I thought of a poem in my head while they were bothering me. I didn't write it down though, but I still remember it right now. 

Anyways, I have to take my anti-biotic before I forget.

I'm probably going to go upstairs and watch southpark on my bed until i fall asleep.

I love everyone <3

Right now Scott is over my house, and i guess I decided to update. Today i finally talked my dad into buying Guitar Hero 4 and Rockband 2. I am soooo excited. I can't open it till christmas, but i am still really excited. Tomorrow i am going to nicole's little brother's birthday party at a skating rink. Hopefully it will be really fun. I haven't been skating in forever.

Guess that is it now, see ya =)

Right now I am watching Ku Fu Panda with some of my brother's friends. I keep on hearing talk of people reading twilight or other books, and it makes me slightly sad that I never read. I have probably only read maybe five books in my life, and all of them were forced to me by the school. I think when i get some money, i am going to buy A Purpose For Pain. It is Renee's journal, the girl who To Write Love On Her Arms is all about. You know... I probably spelled her name wrong, oops. Oh well. i am going to continue watching this movie now. I will blog later.

<33333333333

I Am Mad At Last.Fm

It's making me mad.

You can only register one machine to upload playcounts from,

and i really wish i could upload music from my old desktop, because it has SO MANY plays.

That is the only thing on my mind right now.

School is over till January 26th.

It's going to be a longggg break by the looks of it so far.

I really hope I get to hang out with a lot of my friends and stuff.

=/

It has been really hard for me not to do something today. I have been trying so hard not to, and i need to be strong. i have that final exam in a few minutes and i still have to type my paper that i haven't started yet.

I guess i am going to go now. Love makes me sick. And i feel like listening to Grace Gale.

Sleepy Time.

Right now i am so freakin tired. Its past 4am, and i really need to go to bed. I got some research for my paper, and barely even finished two paragraphs. I need to wake up in 7 hours for class. My final is at 12:30, and i'll probably get it done by 1:30, which leaves me with 2 hours to get my essay done. After i turn in my essay, i am going to come home and probably go to bed or start on my freshman orientation project. I need to research a career and say stuff about it. That should be alright i guess. I just need to do a presentation on it. Ohai powerpoint.

Tonight something really bothered me, but three of my friends really helped me. One stayed up really late to talk to me and the others helped me weigh out the positive outcomes.

i am tired and going to go now

I Wish I Could Take It Back

I guess a week without blogging has really made me this.

I miss speaking of my life. I don't like my life being that private.

I like my little bit of privacy, but the rest, I want people to know.

I don't feel like talking about what is bothering me,

but something is.

Today I listened to More of the Worst by PlayRadioPlay! A LOT today.

I thought of making a videoblog, but I have been doing that too much lately.

I also should be studying for my final tomorrow and doing my 4 page essay that I still haven't started, but oh well. I will start it soon, and if not, I will just do it in the morning.

Well, i feel like i am blabbing, see ya.

Outside letting the dog out...

Right now i am outside letting my dog use the bathroom. It's pretty cold outside, but there is no wind. (i expected it to be a lot more colder).

I have a 4 page essay due tomorrow that i haven't even started on, and i really need to work on that. i also need to study for a final exam i have for intro to microcomputers. I get distaracted so easily and i really need to work on that and not be like that for next semester. My phone is really slow when it types pic messages. i am typing too fast i guess lol, and it is taking forever to catch up. I am so glad that i found out about mobile blogging, and you can all expect a lot more posts from me now =)

Mobile Blogging?

So right now i am testing this mobile blogging thing, and i am really hoping it works, because it will be pretty freakin sweet if it does. =)

Today i am being a bum, sitting on my bed and just downloading music and stuff. I think i like blogger again since i can update from my phone.

Done?

I think I might be done with this.

I might restart back up again.

If anyone did read this,

thank you very much.

I discovered the causes of my unhappiness.

I don't want to list them on here...

But i guess the first step is to realize what they all are.

I made that realization last night. 

I'll talk more about it later. I have to leave for class in like 10 minutes

Wishing to go back

Lastnight I wished to go back in time, and change things... The things I wanted different.

But now, i'm sitting the cafeteria listening to the music that I am going to sing for auditions, and I am looking at all these people and stuff. I kind of like how things are now, besides that I am sad a lot. 

I'm really scatterbrained right now. 

There are a lot of things going on around me.

Literally, and figuratively. 

One day, i'll close my eyes,

and this will all be over,

and i'll wake from this nightmare three years ago in my room,

or i'll wake up and it will be the next day, and my life will turn into a dream.

Perfect.

They will be perfect.

I can see it now.

We will wake up, and spend most of the day hanging up posters, while playing music that is on itunes shuffle. We won't skip any songs, because we each like the same songs. While hanging up the posters, we'll take turns singing along, dancing, laughing, enjoying each other's company. After that we would cuddle on the couch watching TV and music videos. We both love music, so we would never get tired of it. We would then lay around my room talking about life and how things are going to be in the next five years. We would also go on the computer and talk to our online friends and in real life friends. We will laugh, and I will smile while they talk, and be so thankful that I have them, and that I am there's. As we get tired, they would leave, and I would txt them till we both got tired and fell asleep on each other. 

The next time we were both free, we'd hangout again. We could drive somewhere, singing songs in the car as we drove. We would go to the boardwalk, and walk around and play in the arcade. They would congratulate me with a hug after i beat a challenging song on the Dance Dance Revolution machine. Then we would whip out one of our digital camera's and take crazy pictures of each other sitting on the racing game's arcade machines, or the mini-bikes. We would also take pictures of crazy dance poses too. Heck, we would take pictures of us doing EVERYTHING that day that would later be uploaded on one of our myspace's to show eachother off. We would then go play mini-golf, where they would laugh with me since i'm so terrible at it. After that we would make a video of us just chilling on the boardwalk on one of the benches. After that they would drive me home or I would drop them off. I'd kiss them goodbye....

I guess that would be more of a perfect "LIFE" too.

That is just a perfect relationship i could see.

I really hate being all sappy and lovely.

I could see so many other things, hahaha. 

It's almost like, now that i'm thinking about it, perfect seems so boring.

I could imagine me kissing them one day, and falling completely crazy for them,

but it not working out, and fighting for those moments of happiness. 

Wow... WHY AM I SPEAKING OF LOVE? HAHA

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

That's it.

I've seriously gone crazy.

Wow, I need to like, go to bed or something.

I am thinking way too much.

Now that i'm reading what I said, it's so super sappy and so freaking wrong.

Wow..

Um..

Yeah..

I feel stupid now and like deleting this blog.

101.

100th Post

Usually people have a 100th post that is something special or different from everything else.
Sadly, I wish i did have something, but i don't.
I have just been thinking about my life, and other people's lives too.
It's so strange...
I'm right now watching Bruce Almighty.

So... I don't even know what is going on.
I'm not even paying attention to what i am saying.
Maybe i'll write more later.

My Blog for today :)

So it's been a few days...

I don't have much to say, maybe i'll have more tonight.

I'm going to start saying a thing I learned each day.

Today i realized, 

Sometimes the people with the biggest hearts, aren't the prettiest.

And i don't mean that to offend anyone,

it's just sometimes, someone who isn't considered "pretty", has a bigger heart than someone who is drop dead gorgeous.

I guess I just kind of realized that today.

Future

I'm trying to build the future as I see it right now.

And it honestly doesn't seem too bad, the way I have things planned out.

I'm obviously not going to say my plans, that might ruin them.

Rain falls instead of snow

A darkness begins to grow

The cold rushes deep inside

I'm on this tour with no guide.

And as I sometimes seem so happy,

inside it's wet and crappy.

The inside has a light,

and you can see if it if it's at night

no one will ever understand me

not even you.

Twilight

Blah Blah Blah,

Twilight this Twilight that.

...

...

...

...

...

IT WAS SUCH A GOOD MOVIE.

Wow.

I really did not expect it to be that good.

It actually made me think that there is hope in the world (my world at least) for love.

I really hate love. Well, i'm not even sure if I hate love, I just hate what it does to people. 

We forget everything for love. We do anything for love. We all desire love.

Why were we given these desires?

I realized tonight that I dont act like a normal boyfriend should. (what the hell is normal anyways?)

Maybe i'm a bad one.

Maybe i'm a good one.

Sometimes I pretend i'm some hero of some sort, or someone important who can't have love. 

As if i'm Spiderman or something. Or Edward Cullen.

OH GODD, I feel like i'm getting obsessed with Twilight. 

Gahhh, i dont want to give it away, but I feel like talking about it so much.

Anyways...

back on subject... kind of...

I dont go for things when it comes to relationships.

I usually let them come to me.

Gah, why am I even talking about relationships? It's making me sick thinking about it.

I guess if i could decide, I wish I were alone. 

I'd wish for everyone to love me,

but for me to just keep running.

Sometimes I feel like I run too much.

Wow, i'm so scatterbrained right now.

I'm going to stop writing.

Diamonds.

I keep on listening to Diamonds by Breathe Carolina.

It's AMAZING. Seriously.

The coolest thing in the world would be my brother and I going to a Breathe Carolina concert.

I think I should have some sort of format to these blogs.

This isn't even technically a "blog".

It's a "hi i'm 17 years old, in college, and have problems" kind of thing.

I took some nyquil a little bit ago and it's starting to kick in.

Being sick sucks.

I'm going to see Twilight with Nicole tomorrow.

I haven't seen Nicole in two weeks, i'm kind of nervous.

My brother and I are suppose to play Wii Sports tomorrow too.

I hope I stick too it, I wanted to play really badly tonight, but my sister and niece fell asleep in the living room.

I am glad that I actually stick up to date with this thing even though most of my friends quit writing in this.

Yay me :)

I miss Uber.

I didnt even care for uber when I had it, but now i am sad that it is gone.

I really really feel like doing video blogging. 

I got a program for my camera where I can upload my videos right off the DVD to vista.

It use to only work for XP, but Sony gave me a thing to use it for vista. 

I really really like it, and i miss uploading vids.

I am going to upload a lot more.

Well, at least I plan on it.

Video blogging seems so much better.

Anyways, I am tired.

I always think about the same things to blog about.

Wow, i am just typing whatever comes to my mind

93rd post.

It's strange how things one thing eats at me.

I'll be free someday.

I was thinking lastnight of SO MUCH i could write about.

But now I dont feel like it...

Bye.

92nd post.

I am close to 100!

Not even 100 days,

but 100 blog updates.

I am right now listening to Make Love in this Club by Usher.

It makes me think of summer.

Things were cool in summer.

But I came to realize, that Winter is better for me than Summer.

Even though I love the weather in Summer, I get to hangout with my friends more in Winter for some reason.

I still have the same things bothering me in my head that I always mention but never exactly say. Just know that they are still there.

I should be doing a paper right now, but I feel like blogging and procrastinating and doing other things instead. I am slightly excited for drama club tomorrow for some reason. I love my drama club group.

Anyways, I guess that is it for now, i dont feel like writing much today.

(If I felt like writing today, then my essay would have been done) 

obai.

Nobody Writes on this Anymore

I guess that doesn't mean I should too.

This weekend was so amazing.
I had a lot of fun.
I really needed that weekend.

Tomorrow I have family coming over, and I have to clean tremendously for it when I get home.
I also have make up work due tomorrow, and I think i have to have a rough draft of my english essay too that is due in a week.

I'm looking around this cafeteria (i'm at college right now)
and i'm seeing so many people together and stuff.
WHY DO WE FEEL THE NEED TO HAVE SOMEONE ELSE TO SURVIVE?
WHY DO WE NEED ANOTHER PERSON TO BE HAPPY?
Why can't we just be by ourselves and live it that way, and be happy???
I hate this.

Today my dad didn't give me any money for lunch.
I went to my drawer that he puts my money in, and it was empty.
Luckily Candice had some extra fries that she gave to me since she was full.
I have class in 22 minutes. I honestly don't want to go at all.
I have a quiz, so it should go by fast.

I really hope it does.

I'm not even sure why I hope it does.

Today is going by so badly.

I need a rescue.

I think I might be failing my intro to mass media class,

and she might tell me to drop it.

I talked to my dad about it lastnight,

he got so mad/upset/disappointed in me.

I even told him "You finally started to give me freedom, and I abused it by forgetting my responsibilities."

He didn't even seem to care when I said that.

The best thing that could happen today is for my teacher to tell me that i'm not failing, OR that I can redeem myself from failing. I really hope that I can at LEAST redeem myself.

Class is going to start in 17 minutes now.

I'm going to go.

Bye to whoever reads this.

If anyone does.

And thank you for caring about me <3

It eats at me

=/
otherwise,
things are going amazing.

So... I skipped a few days >_>

Yesterday I got up at 6AM with my brother, and it was snowing out. It all melted by later day, so oh well.
Anyways. I met ALOT of new people yesterday :)
I'm glad i got to meet them too, it was fun, and they are awesome, ANDDD, I get to hangout with them tonight.
I'm going to bring my laptop and try to take more pictures since I know everyone better.

I am going to bring my laptop tonight while i work the bakesale,
because I get so bored while working.
I also need to put new song on my laptop to listen to so i dont feel like dying haha.

Wow, I am just rambling, and not even saying anything special.
I still have some things eating away at me.
It's confusing,
I'M confused.

That's it for now.
I have to clean my room UBER clean today.
We have family coming Tuesday

#81

Today was good and bad.
Each took it's turn.
One minute it was good,
one minute it was bad.

Overall, I'd say it was a good day.
I didn't do much, I posted two new videos, and that's it.
I usually dont post alot, but I had to for Socialvibe's streeteam. I really really really want a free socialvibe hoodie to wear.
I dont know why, but I feel this HUGE NEED for clothes.
But, I dont NEED them, I just want new ones.
Weird I guess.

I hate not having stuff to write about.

At first i didnt like my new hair, but now it has grown on me.
I like it alot now actually.
My blonde hair was soo nasty and messy looking, this hair looks alot better.
I need more pictures of it.
I can't just be putting up the same picture on every social profile!

I watched Wall-E.
Such a good kid movie :)
Slow start, but once it got into it, it was really good.
I really want to edit my myspace today.
I'm not sure why, but I really need to edit it.
I also have to do ALOT of math homework,
but it will get done :)
Also I have a tiny bit of english homework that needs to get done.
but that will also get done.

I'm confused with somethings in life right now.
Actually ALOT.
But you have probably read that in my previous posts.

Somehow, every thing's gonna fall,
right into place.
If we only had a way, to make it all...
Fall faster everyday. -Paramore

:)

#79

I'm not doing good in a college class.
I am letting my social life take over my college life.
it's like highschool ALL OVER again.

Right now I have 4 math papers sitting near me that i haven't done,
a Freshman Seminar paper, (not to mention makeup work that is due next week)
I skipped class today in my Mass Media class because I forgot my stuff to my project.
My friend txted me and said "Everyone that skipped today got a zero for their project because ALOT of people skipped"
Is there any help not to procrastinate?
I really could use it... I am HORRIBLE.
My dad walked in and said "If you fail that class, you're college life is over. I'm not paying for any other classes and I give up on you"
It makes me feel so awful because i know how much he wants me to do good, and he's really been letting me go out and do almost whatever I want with my car and stuff. And this is how I repay him? By failing a class?

I hate me right now.
I ruin everything.
And there is no one else to blame.
Just me.

Other than school, the same thing has been bothering me.
It's so strange.
It's so normal to me,
but so bad to everyone else,
and i'm ashamed.

That's it.

Have i lost my mind?

Alot of things have been going through my mind,
but it's the same old stuff I always say on here.

Me worrying about my adolescent life.
blehhh.

asdfgh

AWESOME DAY...
some thoughts bothering me.
but other than that.
amazing.

something needs to be said

If i get 100 dollars...

I want to go to deptford mall and buy hot topic stuff,
and i am going to need someone to come with me.
I want to try to rack up more money to to buy even more stuff.

glamour kills is too expensive
TWLOHA is boring clothing.
Hot Topic... sounds good :)

today was alot of fun :D
i have a new hoodie.

the end.

TWLOHA Day.

Well, today went, VERY WELL.
Besides backing up into a car >_>
Which i will not explain.
But.
It was good.
I dont have much on my mind.
Not more than usual or that I haven't already talked about.

So I guess that's it.

Happy TWLOHA Day :)

3rd attempt to Write this.

I've been interrupted each time I tried to start this.

Tomorrow is To Write Love On Her Arms day.

I'm going to write LOVE really big on my arm, wear my TWLOHA hoodie, my necklace, my wrist band, and carry around a sign that says "LOVE IS THE MOVEMENT" and trying to take pictures with my friends. Which reminds me, Right now, I should be trying to kill the battery.

I hope tomorrow turns out good. 

It's suppose to be a short day :)

I think to ALL my friend who dont write LOVE on their arms... I'm bring a permeant marker to school, and writing it for you. So my friends are going to need to look out.

That is all for now :)

The sick baby is getting better.

You won't understand what it means, but I do.

I'm not sure.

Sometimes it feels really sick again.

But sometimes i thought it was going to be better.

I just can't let it die i guess.

it's so cold in my house.

60ºF is very very cold.

I swear it's colder.

I am shivering and shaking.

Everything is cold.

My walls, my vents, my body, my desk, my chair.

Tomorrow I need to get up really early to go pick classes for Spring semester.

I am scared, I am going to be taking 15 credits instead of 12. I need 60 to transfer to Rowan. I hope tomorrow goes by really easy with no problems. After I sign up for my classes I really need to work on my Mass Media project. I have a 1000 word essay due wednesday afternoon, and a big product placement project. My girlfriend did put up some examples she found on google, but my computer closed out of it. Damnittttttt. Looks like i'm not going to be able to hangout with Scott tomorrow since I have so much work to do.

=/

One time, a person told me "You need to think what you say before you say it"

I am doing bad with that.

I have said some things I should think twice about saying.

=/

My fault.

I think I went from tapping the edges of the boxes and poking my fingers through the holes in the box, to back to hiding in the box.

You might not know what that means,

but it's a talk I had with someone earlier this week.

I need to do a mass media project,

but I haven't even started it.

I might even try to get some done tonight, i'm not sure.

I'll probably just procrastinate till Tuesday.

Ouchies, that reminds me,

I need to schedule an appointment with my advisor.

Ohh snaps, i'm talking to myself.

I'll blog again when i have something more interesting to talk about besides my life.

Alive.

So many emotions are running through me,

that my eyes are red, the hair on the back of my neck is standing,

and I feel so alive right now.

It's a mixed feeling.

It feels so good,

but at the same time, i want to go run as far as I can and not stop.

"Can we last through the winter?

The water's starting freeze..."

Those lyrics are racing through my head right now.

Too much to write just one thing in this blog.

It feels very boggled.

Sorry for that.

Whoever is reading.

Oh great.

Now the nostalgia is kicking in.

It has dawned me.

I am not a little kid that is inside of me.

I'm 17.

I'm in college.

This feeling is scary.

I miss you.

I miss you.

You are such a good friend.

Both of you are.

I dont think people understand how much they mean to me.

I wish we could go back to how we were.

I know we are friends,

but i miss you tons how you were.

BOTH OF YOU

You saved my life one night.

I wasnt going to kill myself.

But i was so upset, and you made it better.

I dont even freakin know you, but your act of kindness surprised and gave me faith in the world again.

I dont know who you are.

We only saw eachother once

but for some reason

you wont get out of my head

i dont know why.

The youngest memories of me is when i was little,

my dad took me to the store to get my cousin a birthday present.

I held his balloon, and walked down the isle holding my dad's hand.

The next one is my dad holding me and patting me on the back as I fell asleep.

I bet nobody knows that.

My life right now is replaying in my mind as i close my eyes.

My parents mean EVERYTHING to me.

Even if they are mean to me sometimes,

they dont mean to.

And i treat them like shit,

and sometimes (like now) it kills me.

I just try to help you alot,

but sometimes you smear it in my face

or try to act better.

Tell me i'm okay.

Hug me and say "JonJon, you are going to make it"

I wish all of you one day,

could give me a hug at once

If I could scream, i would sing like Bert from the Used.

I almost dont care anymore what you think anymore.

God saw what you said,

you'll be punished later.

I am going to take my mind off stuff and hangup posters or something.

WTFack.

This is so strange.

Today I watched Saw V.

It was a REALLY GOOD movie.

I dont know why people said it sucked.

Anyways...

It's so strange.

I was watching the movie,

thinking how EVERYONE I KNOW, is connected some how.

And we are all connected, even if we didnt know it.

I even went through my friend's pictures, and noticed people in there that i know now but did not know before! It's crazy!

I guess that it is.

We are all connected,

it's crazy,

BYE!

Ripples.

Did you ever notice how our life ripples?

One things leads to another?

We all effect each other?

It's strange.

Today someone asked me for directions at the college, 

and I helped him out.

What if something bad happened if I wasn't there to direct him?

What if he was picking up someone?

What if that person was going to wait and wait,

and be kidnapped or something?

I dunno,

i'm letting my mind wander,

but think about.

So many things affect us.

I parked my car on the one side of campus last week,

and walked all the way the other side of campus,

to remember that i parked my car on the other side.

I went to my car and had a safe ride home.

What if I did remember where my car was though,

and I got into a horrible accident?

Maybe me forgetting where I parked prevented that.

It's strange.

I always wonder what my purpose on life is.

I don't think we have just one purpose.

We have many purposes.

Maybe mine today was to help that guy with directions.

Maybe I have long term ones like looking after a friend,

or being friends with someone.

Maybe caring for someone you barely know.

Maybe it's to be in love with someone.

Maybe it's to fall out of love with someone for them to realize something.

We like balance each other.

And I realized that today.

I'm strange =/

NObama

I think Obama is the anti-christ.

Oh well though, he is president now, and there is nothing we can do.

If this is God's will, it will all unfold I guess. =/

Sad.

I want to live.

And go through college.

thanks satan. =/

Today was alright I guess.

Could have been better.

I am probably going to spend this weekend alone.

=)

"Fear me

Step too close to see what I see

Construct desire 

The fine line between disease and what I need

As he enters into the world as a ghost

The terror inflicted scrapes your bones

Let him hold you close"

Today was alright.

Not bad,

not great,

but alright.

Right now I am procrastinating homework, and that's really bad, because i have a TON of stuff to do. I have an essay due tomorrow, actually two, but I am only going to do one. I have alot of make up work due for freshman orientation, but i am not sure what to do for it. I totally forgot that I need to study for my math midterm tomorrow. School kind of takes over my life on weekdays I guess. Friends take it over on the weekends :) 

Now I am blasting hot and cold by katy perry. I am smiling at life right now, and i'm trying so hard not to be brought down. It feels so good to fly like this :)

71... I think?

This weekend was just epicly awesome.

Friday, hung out with...

Scott, my brother, Brenna, Annalisa, Tommie, Matt, Alysha, Ryan, and Mark.

Saturday,

Had a party to go to.

Alysha's party was AMAZING

I dressed up as Jeffree Star.

Sunday,

I hungout with Scott

I guess that's the basics.

70th Post

Today isn't over, but I can't help but to talk about it.

It was soooo much fun.

English was fun, i chatted on webcam with Hayley.

Then went to McDonalds with Candice,

and then came back and hungout with Melissa and Emily. 

After that I had Math, and basically just txted people all class.

Then i drove to scott's, and we went to Toys R Us, and played Guitar Hero 4.

It was alright I guess, i liked it. I played the drums, so it took some getting use to.

After that we got Scott a mask, and we went back home and hungout

I guess I am leaving stuff out,

but just know it was fun,

and i hope it stays this fun alllllll weekend. :)

Today

I feel like writing alot,

but at the same time,

i'm so exhausted and would rather just chill out and go to bed.

today was...

a mixture of

homework

with a dash of happiness

with a dash of schoolwork,

with a dash of tacobell and laughter,

and a dash of being worried with fear,

and a dose of laughter

hunger,

and a sprinkle of being hyper,

and a splash of fun.

there.

that was my day :)

:D

So today was uber cold and rainy. I got assigned a new essay, which I dont mind, because it is a contrast essay. I chose to contrast Metal music to Country music, so it should be easy. I skipped my freshman seminar class. I HATE that class so much. I didnt do any of the work, so i'll just turn it in the day after tomorrow and apologize to him for not making it. Instead of going to class, Candice and I went to the mall. I got a new shirt, and i got Alysha's present. I hope she isnt expecting something huge, i just know it's something that she wanted. I might get her a card or something too. Money is so tight with my family these days! So after the mall, we went back to college and I went to my math class. We waited, and waited. My math teacher didn't show up after fifteen minutes so we all signed a paper saying that she didnt show up, and we left. I came home and played some wii sports with my brother, and then i hungout on my laptop for a while. My sister txts me and says to go to pizza hut with her, so I did. When we got there, the lady walks up to the table and says "Hey Ladies! OH GAWD, YOU ARE A BOY, I AM SO SORRY. ONE TIME I GOT MY HAIR CUT, AND EVERYONE THOUGHT I WAS BOY, AND OMG!!" she felt really bad, and fucked up our order each time, but she was still really nice. Everyone has their days. So after that, my sister talked with me in the car and said that if i be Jeffree Star for Halloween, she would pay for everything. I agreed, since I didnt have any money for a costume. She drove to shoprite, and I talked to Alysha in the car on my phone. I also played I Spy with my niece. After that, my sister goes to the halloween store, and starts buying jeffree star stuff. Fake eyelashes, and a pink wig, and tattoo sleeves. We also went to the other halloween store to get stuff, and ohai, now i am here. :)

I guess that is it.

My brother is making us go to school early since he has to be there early. It doesn't bother me, i like getting out of the house. I'll update tomorrow night probably :)

Thoughts Came Into My Head?

Times are seeming brighter, at least when the sun is up.

I feel there is darkness creeping up.

One, Two, Three friends gone.

All my fault.

Times are almost returning to how they were last year.

Which is scary.

I hate this feeling.

I almost cannot describe it.

It makes me want to almost run away.

I call it the emptiness.

It is starting to creep into me again.

I really dont want that.

Tonight i "mouthed off" to my father,

and I really bad for it.

He asked me like three times if this dance i'm going to in december is a "School Sponsored Event" and I sarcastically said "No, it's a drunken party in the woods" and he picked up a stapler, and almost threw it at me. Then he charged at me, like he was going to kick me, and I curled up in a ball and braced myself. He didnt. He walked and got the phone. He then walked away and said "You piss me off? You'll see what will happen. You're not 18 yet, I can still be in your business." So now I see something in my future being cancelled for mouthing off. This whole "Being 18" is probably going to be not what I expected. I expect me to go get my ears pierced and my lip done. But now that I think about it, I know that's not going to happen. I'm sure by then that i'll get enough money to do it and stuff, but i'm still going to be living under my parents roof, and everything that is mine, really is there's. The car, the house, my computers, everything is technically there's. If i came home like that, they'd take away everything. 

I still feel really bad for mouthing off to my dad... He wont even let me apologize to him. I hugged him and said "I'm probably going to bed soon, i love you" and he just doesn't hug me back and says "no you don't." That really hurt, but i'm sure that I hurt him too. Fuck my freshman orientation homework, my eyes are so dry right now.

When will I ever be free?

Silence in Black and White.

"And the shadow of the day,

will embrace the world in gray."

Today was really fun. School went by fast, and I had alot of fun hanging out with my friends. I decided that when I feel like it, i'm doing a song quote and a picture from today. The reason why today was fun was because i got home, and my friend is mad at me. Other than that though, things are great. I got to hangout with Ryan and Alysha's mom today at the tennis match. I miss my highschool friends alot. Hopefully i'll get to see them more this weekend. I am buying alysha her birthday presents tomorrow, she is going to like them, i know it :). 

I'm slightly worried how tomorrow is going to go. I need to do the trash in the morning, and it isnt my fun day. It's boring English and Math. I have to miss Nicole's last tennis match, which they are fun to go there because i love hanging out with Ryan and other people.

I guess I am just blabbing.

I'll stop now.

sunday

today wasnt that bad,

it was better than my lastnight.

i really dont even know what to say, i'm really tired, and hopefully going to bed soon.

Christmas isn't coming this year

That's what i was told an hour ago.

No xbox 360 i guess.

i asked my dad if i could at least get something pierced, because i really want to,

and he yelled at me,

and we got in a big arguement.

i hate looking at me in the mirror.

Mega Blog Update =O

Wow... I just decided to look up this dream that has been bothering me...

I was with my friend and his dad, and he had this skin infection, and it was little slits on him, and puss was coming out, and i got the skin infection too when i stole his car, but i brought it back.

I looked up this for "skin infection"

and this is what was interpreted

"To dream that your skin is covered with rashes or other skin deformity, signifies your fear in facing a harsh reality. This may also be a pun to indicate that you are making a rash decision. "

The stealing, is

"To dream that you are stealing, denotes that you are deprived and where the stealing takes place  (at home, the office, at school....) is indicative of your neediness. Alternatively, it may signify unrealized and unfulfilled goals. You may have set your goals too high."

Also in my dream, there was a concert across the street.

To dream that you are at a concert, represents harmony and cooperation in a situation or relationship of your waking life. You are experiencing an uplift in your spirits.

That also makes sense, because

A) That concert is tomorrow

B) I have felt that this week has been very good and positive.

I am almost scared to dream.

Everytime I itch, i think of that skin disease,

and how nasty it looked and how much it hurt.

And now that i see what it means,

i know how much i hate to face this one reality.

The Stealing? I'm not too sure of.

I'll have to give that one some thinking.

I have felt lately that I dont get to do much,

and that all my friends have money and I dont.

So maybe that is what it means?

This makes me so interested in dreams.

I think if I have anymore crazy dreams like this,

I'm definetly going to look them up and post them here.

I'm the only one out of my friend's that updates this thing anymore.

I am watching Spiderman 3 right now.

Random late night feeling that are bothering me and keeping me up.

Scott's house is so warm right now, and my house is so freezing.

It's nice to not freeze, so i think i am slightly enjoying being warm, and that's why i'm up, besides being bothered with my thoughts.

I'd say that today was a very good friday.

I hungout with Scott and Jeff, and had fun.

Tomorrow is that big Anthony Green concert, but I highly doubt that I am going to make it.

I hope everyone who does go has an awesome time though.

Tomorrow is probably going to be boring, and cold. 

My dad is picking me up in five hours from scott's for breakfast.

I really should be sleeping, but i am just not tired at all.

I guess I am going to stop writing,

i could write and write forever sometimes,

this would be one of the times.

Coldddd

I'm not really digging this cold weather.

Waking up in my house because i am freezing to sit there and shake is not fun at all.

Things are getting better thing.

Something's building up though,

and i hate bottling it up.

That's it though.

Just know things are good,

and something's building up.

Wig in a Box.

Gary said i dont make good posts like i use to, hahaha

i should start a collum like family guy.

YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY GRINDS MY GEARS??

THAT LINSEY LOHAN

WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO CALL ME LINDSEY?

ARE WE TOGETHER OR WHAT? 

haha :D

I guess i do just complain about my life.

and I really need to do that one picture a day thing.

spice up my blog a little or something.

i just tried to do it,

but oh well

i'll try it again tomorrow.

Anyways,

today was good.

and, i guess that's it :)

Finally, A Good Day

Today was really good.

I got to school, and ate lunch with Candice and Janay.

Right after that i had English, which at first, i was scared because we had to get into groups to do a project. But i ended up finding a group, so I was really happy.

After that, I hungout outside on my laptop and waited for freshman orientation class.

i fell asleep twice during it, it's so boring.

after that, i hungout with candice in the cafeteria, and then went to math class.

after math josh picked up me and candice and took us to starbucks.

candice had a giftcard so she payed, it was nice of her.

After that we went back to school and then went to this college fair.

I saw ALOT of people there that i missed.

Brook, Shamera, Melissa NJ, Nicole, and others.

I'm glad i saw them.

Even Ryan came!

After that, i showed Nicole and Christina around the college, and i took them to the Fine and Performing Arts building.

They got to meet my brother and his friends, and they were SO HYPER

OMG, they were singing and freaking out and stuff

it was hilarious.

i'm bummed that the rocky horror show is cancelled.

I was going to be Riff Raff.

Anywayssss

after that, i walked nicole to her car, and then josh saw me and decided to pick me up and take me to my car so i didnt have to walk in the cold, lol.

that was nice of him,

candice has a good man, lol.

i guess that is it.

i'm hopefully going over nicole's tomorrow afterschool.

Why Do I Do This To Myself?

Why?

Such a Lonely Day Shouldn't Exist.

So even though yesterday was amazing,

today was very uneventful.

I sat around all day and did nothing but stayed on the computer and ate pizza.

I wish i could get piercings really badly.

It really sucks that I can't.

I'm getting bored with my appearence

and i'm tired of dying my hair,

so i want to go for body modification now,

but my parents wont let me.

This weekend I also noticed that I have no good looking winter clothes. 

They are all just ugly sweaters that are plain and stuff.

I guess that's it for today.

I REALLY REALLY hope tomorrow goes better.

I need to stop slacking

So, Friday was Third Friday.

At first, I really wasn't planning on going to it,

but people were calling me asking if I was going and stuff, 

so i decided to go.

I hung out at Scott's house first, and then went to third friday, then back to scott's house, and then home. Matt had his friend's over, and as soon as I got there, they were all walking outside to start the camp fire, which was ALOT of fun. It's starting to get too cold to do them though, so I think that was our last one.

TODAY,

Oh My God, can we say... EPIC???

It was just so amazing.

I went to Six Flags Great Adventure with my brother's friends.

We had so much fun. 

The ride there was alot of fun,

but when we got there,

the first thing you could see almost ANYWHERE no matter what in the park, was Kingda Ka.

I sadly didnt get to go on it, but I got some nice pictures that i'll upload later.

It looked so magnificent, and i'm sad i didnt get to ride it :(

the first thing we did was hit Nitro.

Me, Brenna, Analisa, and Amanda rode front row for it.

After that, we decided to hit El Torro.

It was a long line, but SOOOOO worth it.

While waiting in line for El Torro, we were playing random theater games, because almost everyone there was a theater major except for me and another person I think. 

El Torro was SO FAST! 

I could not believe how fast it was,

even going up the chain pull hill was so fast!

After that, we decided to go on the Dark Knight.

Which, the Dark Knight is themed with like the Joker and stuff from that movie.

Well, i'd give the ride a 4 out of 10. The theme and stuff was awesome, but the ride SUCKED! 

I expected so much more. 

Anyways, after that we ate food at the Panda Express.

It tasted so good!

Then we went on SUPERMAN: THE ULTIMATE FLIGHT.

When I went on it five years ago, I was scared on it,

but this time, It was so much fun. 

It really felt like I was flying,

and I have to say that if I could have one superpower, it'd be flying.

After superman it was around 11:00, park closing time,

but we managed to get on this one simulation ride that was so much fun, and way better than the dark knight. Look at myself, i'm not even capitalizing the name of that ride!

After that we went the parking lot, waited FOREVER to get out of the park.

But it was fun, because we were all laughing and talking in the car. 

I forgot to mention we took two cars there. Well.. WE DID.

We went to McDonalds, ordered some food, and then headed for our journey home.

The only things i'm disappointed about is not going on Kingda Ka, ANDDDD, NOT BUYING THESE PINK SHUTTER SHADES I SAW!! I WAS SO MAD THAT I DIDNT GET THEM AND WISH I WENT BACK THERE AND DID.

I'm sad.

I hope it's not,

but it felt like this was my last time hanging out with my brother's friends,

and I think they are really cool, and i'm sad, because I like them.

I'm sure i'll get to hangout with them again though.

As i've probably said before,

I live my life looking forward to good things,

and now I can't really think of things to look forward to.

Like, event-wise.

I guess Alysha's party is the only thing I can think of.

I highly doubt i'm going to be making it to the Anthony Green concert.

I was talking to my friend Candice today, and she said that I cursed the weather. I was complaining to her how hot it was at college thursday, and now it's so freakin cold. 

So i guess blame me. =/

Well, this is it for now,

I really did not expect to come home and write all of this,

but I really wanted to get things out.

thanks for listening to me :)

=O

I forgot to post in two days, and I'm really sorry!

Night before last, was pretty bad.

The day was good, but the night didnt go so well.

Yesterday went pretty good.

Nothing phenomenal, but it was good.

Today was good too.

Except, Math class wasnt too good.

I started to get anxiety.

She started to do geometry,

and I failed geometry twice in highschool, so i started to panic.

But as things progressed, they got better.

I just need to memorize my formulas and stuff.

Jumping to something worth venting about...

My mom made this HUGE big deal about me going to Scott's house afterschool. I go there all the time on Thursdays after class! Anyways when I got home after Scott's my dad said "You didnt ask me if i could go to scott's" and i'm like "uhhhhhhhhhh, i asked mom, and she didnt care" and he was like "well from now on, i dont want you going ANYWHERE monday through thursdays, maybe you can go places on friday, but otherwise no." FIRST, he tells me "No sleepovers saturday with friends, only thursdays and fridays" So, i was mad, but i accepted it. Then he says that??? I can't believe it. He has complete control over me. THEN, my sister is going on about how she wants to dye my hair all black. I said i'd think about it, but, I HATE having my hair look "normal" as they call it, I'M NOT FUCKING NORMAL. I will never be normal. And the more and more they controll me, the crazier I will be when I finally break my chains. Seven months till i'm 18... But even then, will I be free? I really hope so. I really wouldn't mind dying my hair black, and piercing my lip. That would be fun.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. I hate not being able to express myself. It really sucks. I want to look what I want to look like, not what my parents want me to look like. 

I dont know what else to say I guess,

i'm so frustrated.

I hope this weekend turns out good.

Update.

I wanted to update this so if anyone saw my previous post, they didnt think i was in peril or depressed.

After my dad and I got into the argument, things got better, and lightened up.

Tonight i have stayed up extra hours that I could be sleeping talking to my friend Christina. They are definetly not wasted hours though. I am talking alot with her, and it's making me happy, lol. We are talking of personal stuff, and our past.

I have been thinking lately.

And I talked to Sammy about this too.

It seems like no matter how many new friends I meet,

they never compare to the ones that I am missing right now.

And if any of my new friends are reading this (Which I highly doubt), dont let that discourage you. You guys are still amazing, and I love you, but I miss my old friends terribly. And if I ever had to choose between me new ones and old ones, and i'd hold onto you both, because i could never make a decision like that. I hope my friendships just keep on growing and growing, and none dwindle away. I guess hanging out with so many of my old friends at the harvest festival made me miss them. I've been hanging out with my college friends so much, that I forgot what it's like to be with them.

Today was good.

My dad actually let nicole pick me up and drive me,

it was rediculous.

Like, not rediculous in a bad way,

but a good way.

I can't believe he let her do that.

My dad lets NO ONE drive me,

and nicole almost lives like 20 minutes away.

It was fun though :D

I also got to see my friends Kyle and Alex today,

and got some pictures with Alex.

I can't wait for Six Flags saturday,

and i'm not too sure what is going on with my friday night,

if i'm with my brother or at third friday,

but i'll find it when it gets closer to that time.

Goodnight whoever reads this <333

It's Almost As If I Was Waiting For This

My dad ruins everything.

He is the cause of my happiness,

he is the cause of my sadness.

he fucking controlls me.

and i hate it.

i hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it so fucking much.

Yesterday night in one word?

AMAZING.

It was so much freaking fun.

First,

Dylan came over,

and we played Wii Sports, until my brother got here, and he took us to the HARVEST FESTIVAL.

It was so much fun,

i have so many new pictures, and videos, it was hilarious.

Soooo many things happened too,

i finally got to hangout with Melissa NJ, in over a year!!!

That was alot of fun,

she hungout with all of my friends, but she got to know them fast,

the friends i hungout with mainly were....

Mark, Dylan, Melissa, Michelle, and Kim.

It was fun to hangout with Kim because, i never hungout with her before.

and Michelle, OMG, i'm so glad I saw Michelle.

I miss her ALOT

and if she had a soul,

she'd probably miss me too, LOL.

I met ALOT of people lastnight, i'm soooo glad.

Random people coming up saying "Are you JonJon from myspace??"

Things like that,

I was so happy.

GAHHHH

There is so many stories and stuff,

but I dont know where to begin,

or even if i should begin.

Just know that the harvest festival was amazing,

and i'm really glad I got to go to it. :)

My tooth hurts

So, i think i have a cavity on my tooth. It is hurting and aching so badly.

I am really hoping that tomorrow goes well.

Today went really really well.

Alysha came over, and we went to Spirit halloween store, and party city to look at the costumes. Then we decided to go to Sonic, and get Sonic Blasts, and we talked. 

If you dont know, Sonic always gives you a mint, and I put it in my mouth, and the cool sensation made my tooth hurt so bad that I immediately spit it out and just sat there and teared up. It hurt so freakin badly.

We came back home, hung out, played some wii, and then she left.

THENNNN, my brother's friends came over.

I had so much fun with them, they are a lot of fun, and i'm glad they did come over.

I cant wait to go to six flags with them next week, it's going to be great :)

Somehowwwwww everything's gonna fall, right into place.

If we only had a way to make it all, fall faster everyday.

So far, that's how it seems, and I hope it all does go to place.

I'm being distracted by Saturday Night Live,

so i am going to go.

My weekend plans are slightly up in the air,

one thing for sure

i'm chillin with amber saturday night, haha.

tomorrow, matt's party, and alysha is coming over.

Sunday, nothing.

Monday, hanging out with nicole :)

I dont really have much to say about today.

I'm glad my friend Candice opened up to me some more today,

she is really awesome,

and i dont think she knows it.

Her and her "boyfriend" are so cute together,

and she seems so happy.

I couldn't even help but just look at them and smile, they were so happy :)

aetiohjaethjae;thea;thaethjaeth

^that is for something that i want to say right now but can't.

I'm just going to make a list.

Well, today was interesting I guess.

School classes was boring.

but, lunch today in school was pretty entertaining, lolz.

I have a new vid from school lunch on myspace, but myspace is being dumb.

Abi and Maysie are dumb for not keeping up with their blog, and if they do actually read this, they should be ashamed.

My friend is getting into something that i'm not exactly happy of, it concerns me.

The harvest festival is in 3 days :)

I hope it doesnt rain at the harvest festival

Six Flags is like, 10 days, and i'm really super duper excited for that.

Alysha is hopefully coming over Friday, and i'm happy about that.

I have to drive to school tomorrow, and i'd really rather not,

but it should HOPEFULLY be an easy day.

English, and then math test, and then home.

Which reminds me, during my break, i need to do a math homework assignment,

and do two english journals before class,

and one must reflect the essay we are writing this weekend.

I think that's a strange/dumb word to use, "reflect".

"reflect how you feel on this"

"reflect this in your writing"

the word "reflect" makes me think of that song Reflection that Christina Aguilera that she sang for Mulan.

my english teacher says i use "that" and "things" too much in my writing.

I should remember that when writing my essay tomorrow.

I also have to redo my essay

Wow, i'm thinking alot

I'm so tired

Sleepy time now :)

goodnight.

Well today in English, we were going through some essays, and one of them really popped out to me. 

All this time, i have been jealous of what other friendships people have, and how they are closer than some of the ones i have, i am missing what i have right now. Like, even though, i'm not as happy as I was last year, or in May... This is what I have right now, and i shouldn't keep on looking how it can be higher, but looking at how at least things arent terrible, how i'm alive, and all is well so far (knock on wood). 

Things have been good lately so far I guess.

I can't wait for this weekend.

I really hope things turn out the way i planned.

"I'm looking for a place

I'm searching for a face

Is anybody here I know?

'Cause nothing's going right

And everything’s a mess

And no one likes to be alone.

...

It's a damn cold night

Trying to figure out this life"

Something is wrong with me,

i can't stop listening to Avril Lavigne. 

I have math homework that i didn't do.

And i have a lot of plans, that hopefully wont fall through.

It'd really suck if they did.

I guess i dont have much to say.

Today I was really hyper, 

bought some masks,

and that's it.

So... yup

done.

So right nowww

I want to be with so many people right now,

but at the same time,

i want to be isolated from almost everyone.

it's so strange.

one thing is for sure,

I HATE BEING A SLAVE TO THIS COMPUTER

that is all i guess.

my ear infections still hurt really badly,

and i have class tomorrow.

i should go study for a test.

Sometimesss

Sometimes, I wish that for a day, I could just be soooo famous, on top of the world. I really want to know what it feels like.

Sometimes, i want to know what it'd be like if nobody knew me or really cared that much, and all I had was my family, and no drama.

I guess that's what I have to say for 3 days of not posting.

Both my ears are infected.

Swimmers Ear

and my canals are swollen.

My right ear is getting better,

my left ear is in so much pain.

I'm scared to take a shower.

Arms of Sorrow

"The demons of my own design 
This horror must not remain"

That song is playing now, and i guess it made me decide to put it in my blog. I am laying down on the floor right now, I am getting re-addicted to stickam. My ear infection is doing a lot better. Last night it was so horrible, i couldn't sleep at all. Right now it is very itchy, but i dont want to put a q-tip in it because it might hurt the healing process. 

Today I procrastinated an English essay. I chose it to write about "What I Learned From Dropping out of High School" because it had to be an essay like that. 

On another more random side i guess, I keep on telling myself "Everything happens for a reason." But I really wish I knew what my reason was. I feel like I am really missing out on my youth, or like things went backwards for me. I use to go out and be with friends so much, have so many pictures and videos.... But Now, i barely get any. My phone never rings. It goes off occasionally for some txt messages, and that is it. I feel slightly isolated, even though I am always out at college, or sometimes at other places.I want to hangout with friends. I am going to try to get down and mark people off of my list to hangout with. Like for instance, Christina and I always talk about hanging out, but never do. So what did I do?? We are probably going to the football game friday. I guess i'll find out more once it gets closer though. I need to think of more people who want to hangout though. 

Anyways, I guess that is it for now. I didnt get the picture thing going, but at least I got the whole lyric thing working again :D.

Goodnight whoever reads this,

and if anyone does.

Thank you so much for reading it <3333.

Ear infection =/

Another thing to delay my daily picture thing. 

I have a really bad ear infection in my right ear, and it's really affecting me. 

My ear hurts, the canal is throbbing, the side of my cheek hurts, and my jaw is so sore, I can barely open my mouth wide enough to get food in. 

I am also upset that i didnt get a flickr picture uploaded either.

Maybe if I feel better, tomorrow I will.

I have been doing alot of thinking today.

Not about anyone else,

but just me.

I think it's official that I am the only one that updates on this.

I guess this is it till tomorrow.

Saturday.

Well, after getting home from Scott's,

i pretty much just sat around at home, addicted to the internet.

I wish i could get off of it.

That's pretty much all i have to say,

i still need to start the picture thingy...

Mind in the gutter.

I guess i'll just start doing that whole one picture a day thing tomorrow.

Right now I am at Scott's house, and I have nothing to show.

We have watched Jackass, and Viva La Bam.

Some other stuff happened today,

but i dont want to talk about it.

I'm really really really confused.

I guess that's it till tomorrow

2 days 2 late o.o

Sorry that I haven't posted in two days.

I dont even know why i haven't.

Just lack of effort I guess.

So yesterday I tried to film a "Crank Dat Socialvibe" video, hoping that socialvibe would feature it, but some other kid beat me to it, and now i'm probably going to end up deleting it since he got more publicity than i did. I'm really bummed out because of this.

Hmm, what else is bad...

My "b" button my on my laptop is being a bastard lately.

I'll push it, and nothing will happen.

Now i just beat the hell out of it, so maybe it will work better.

Actually, i paused for a second because i just ripped off my "b" button, took this like dirt spec out of it, and now it's fine :D

Right now, i need to clean my room because I am picking up nicole in about an hour from school. I'm not sure what we're going to do, of it's going to be awkward, but i'm sure we'll find something.

My past two days were good, just sayin.

I have a problem where I only write when i'm sad, which i have said before.

I'll try to fix that :)

I also might be adding a picture of the day or something to this blog, like each day i'll take a picture of me and upload it to here or something.

I guess this is it till whenever i feel like writing again :)

My Postive Day

Today it went, pretty positive.

I walked around campus and drove around with a smile, and it really seemed to work.

Things tried to bring me down,

LITERALLY 

I tripped going up the stairs, and i KNOW the people behind me saw it, but i just tried to laugh it off and go "WHOA OOPS!!! LOL" and they didnt seem to care. I guess that's what I get for running up the stairs haha.

The only bad thing about today, was this whole intro to mass media project.

And the fact that i've had to like redo it like 18 times.

It was fun filming the new stuff though :D

I still need to work on it more, so i am going to do that.

IF YOU GOT MONEY, AND YOU KNOW IT, TAKE IT OUT YOUR POCKETS AND SHOW IT.

RIGHT NOW

NO REGRET JONJON

STARTING TONIGHT.

I haven't been happy since May.

I'm so fucking done with it.

Today i was in the car with my brother,

and we were just being retarded

and i couldn't stop laughing.

and i want that again,

so what am I going to do?

start acting like how i was in May.

When the fuck did JONJON, get so shy??

When did he care about what people thought of him?

Why did it bother him so much.

I am going to try so hard to keep this attitude. 

Today, the lyrics of Paramore kept playing in my head.

"Why do we like to hurt so much?"

And why do we?

I dont want to hurt anymore.

I dont want to be sad anymore.

I dont want to be looking at regret.

I am going to try to survive, and not be sad,

and be carefree.

I have so many things i am self conscience,

and i am going to break free of it.

:)

I GOT A BRAND NEW ATTITUDE, AND I'M GOING TO WEAR IT TONIGHT

I WANNA GET IN TROUBLE, AND I WANNA START A FIGHT.

LOL @ PINK LYRICS.

<33333333333333333333333333333333333333333

right now

Right now i am sitting in the college cafeteria,

alot is going on in my mind.

Right now, i am very nervous about my project,

i completed my half, but i'm not sure if it is going to go well with my partner,

and i am really embarassed to show it to the class because it so dumb.

Right now i'm downloading the new itunes for my laptop, because it doesnt have genius, and i need genius. 

Right now I am also thinking of getting candy. 

These lyrics keep replaying in my head,

i'm not even sure if they mean anything significant

"my cameras zoom - it captures all that might embrace it

unsteadied ice creates the wake in deeper places
oh darling I cant bare the thought of separation
the years will pass and we'll forget just how this made us"

That is what keeps replaying.

I feel really different.

Chardenae always reminds me how

"the old jon would have done this, the old jon would have done this"

I dunno,

i have alot of regrets i guess.

Maybe i'll speak of them later.

Scars of the past.

Emo things like that.

hahahahaha.

Lastnight.

Well, lastnight, i learned, not to mix liquor, not matter what, any kind of liquor.

Everclear and Smirnoff aren't the best bet to go with...

I threw up all the everclear three in  the morning, almost crying, wishing i didnt mix drinks.

I was really drunk, and didnt even know it.

If I ever do drink again, i'll need to be more careful.

Today I really didnt do much,

neglected to do a project,

but then finally did it.

I am not happy with it at all,

but it's better than nothing.

I am so nervous to turn in it,

but that's just me, I get very nervous very easily.

Today was pretty much a waste, i dont even have much to write about.

Right now I am trying to learn sign language. 

I guess this is it for now.

Yesterday

Well, right now i am sitting in scott's house watching Mr Woodcock. There is nothing  else on, lolz. 

So anyways, yesterday was fun. I hungout with scott all day, and my dad actually let him drive me to his house, which is huge, because he never lets anyone drive me. It was just down the road to his house, but i hopefully feel like that will be a start. Third Friday was really fun, cold, but fun. I walked around and stuff alot, and i also went to uplink and played ITG. ITG is the fucking shit, haha. I loved it so much.

Its so strange how when things are good, i cant find what to write about or anything. Hopefully it stays like this. I love feeling good.

Welllllll,

So today, was alright.

Nothing super eventful or anything. After college, I had scott come over, and we played videogames, and watched things on TV. I am probably going over there tomorrow, BUT first i have to freakin do chores. Shoveling dirt and stuff, and I really dont want to. Hopefully my dad wont make me do anymore once i do it. After I go to his house, we are going to third friday. I really wish that I could just ride with scott, he is a good driver. My parents are going to make me take my truck and his car seperately. OR him and I could both just take my truck, i'll talk to him about it tomorrow. It's so dumb, for some reason i can't keep my truck overnight at places? So after third friday, i have to drive my truck home, and then have my parents drop me off at scott's house, instead of him just taking me home after dropping it off.

I am so fucking controlled =/

I hate it so much.

i guess that's it for now

funny how i thought this blog was going to be happy, 

and it ended up being bad.

Later that evening.

It's so strange, like,

I can't have a good day.

It either starts off good,

and then ends bad,

or starts off bad, and then ends good,

or will be good morning, bad inbetween, good night

and vice versa.

it's so strange.

that is really all though i guess.

i'm so happy that tomorrow is my last day of class.

9/17/08

Today was alright I guess, or for the most of it. The beginning didnt go so well, but I feel it got better as time progressed. 

I've spent most of today regretting me going to Cumberland County College instead of going to Rowan or some other place, which I would have loved. I like college a lot, but i dont know. There is just something i dont like about it there. I can put my finger on it, but i dont feel like saying it. 

Everything happens for a reason i guess.

I guess i'll know my reason in time.

Also,

isnt it strange how a gesture of a stranger can mean so much to you?

Update

So right now, i am trying EVERYTHING i can think of to try to get this fucking dye out of my hair. I'm so stupid. It wont come out. I got it from red, to light pink. 

I wouldn't mind going to school with the red, cause it's looked cool, but the pink looks so dumb. I am so drained lately.

I am a wreck.

I am a wreck.

I am a wreck.

no title.

It feels that lately, i am not me.

I am what my parents want me to be.

and i fucking hate it.

tonight, dumbass me decided to dye my bangs red.

no big deal i figured, it washes out in two weeks.

HA, nope.

I get screamed at by my sister calling me a faggot, my brother just goes "O_O", my dad says he gives up on life, and my mom just looks like this "-_-" with no fucking emotion. My niece starts chanting how ugly i look, and how i look like a faggot. 

My sister comes up to me and tells me to try to wash it out, because my dad wants to shave my head.

It's not even so much that i cant dye my hair, I cant fucking do anything.

I get to go to school, and then go back home. I cant go anywhere, I can't buy my own clothes, i can't get my own piercings, i cant drive wherever i want, I cant look like how i want to look.

I can't fucking take it.

I hate me right now.

I hate everything about me right now.

I hate it all.

all.

freshman

So right now i just got done doing my freshman seminar homework. I shouldn't have neglected it until 3am the day it is due, but oh well. I learned my lesson and wont do it again. I tried to go to sleep around 10, but i dont even remember me sleeping. I just remember waking up, and it was midnight. I really need to fix my sleep schedule, i need sleep so badly. I have an awful headache right now from staying up. 

Tomorrow i am going to ask my freshman seminar teacher if we are allowed to post things on the bulletin boards at school. All of them are so empty, and I want to put socialvibe flyers, and to write love on her arms flyers. I might even take a picture with him for a socialvibe order. I might save that for my mass media teacher because it kinda goes along with the class. Speaking of that class, i have a video project do for it monday, and i dont want to do it at all. I hate group work. I dont mind the person i'm working it, i just hate group work. I'd rather do things on my own sometime.

I guess that's it for now, i'm going to wait till my laptop is done charging, and then unplug it and go to bed.