Future

I'm trying to build the future as I see it right now.

And it honestly doesn't seem too bad, the way I have things planned out.

I'm obviously not going to say my plans, that might ruin them.

Rain falls instead of snow

A darkness begins to grow

The cold rushes deep inside

I'm on this tour with no guide.

And as I sometimes seem so happy,

inside it's wet and crappy.

The inside has a light,

and you can see if it if it's at night

no one will ever understand me

not even you.

Twilight

Blah Blah Blah,

Twilight this Twilight that.

...

...

...

...

...

IT WAS SUCH A GOOD MOVIE.

Wow.

I really did not expect it to be that good.

It actually made me think that there is hope in the world (my world at least) for love.

I really hate love. Well, i'm not even sure if I hate love, I just hate what it does to people. 

We forget everything for love. We do anything for love. We all desire love.

Why were we given these desires?

I realized tonight that I dont act like a normal boyfriend should. (what the hell is normal anyways?)

Maybe i'm a bad one.

Maybe i'm a good one.

Sometimes I pretend i'm some hero of some sort, or someone important who can't have love. 

As if i'm Spiderman or something. Or Edward Cullen.

OH GODD, I feel like i'm getting obsessed with Twilight. 

Gahhh, i dont want to give it away, but I feel like talking about it so much.

Anyways...

back on subject... kind of...

I dont go for things when it comes to relationships.

I usually let them come to me.

Gah, why am I even talking about relationships? It's making me sick thinking about it.

I guess if i could decide, I wish I were alone. 

I'd wish for everyone to love me,

but for me to just keep running.

Sometimes I feel like I run too much.

Wow, i'm so scatterbrained right now.

I'm going to stop writing.

Diamonds.

I keep on listening to Diamonds by Breathe Carolina.

It's AMAZING. Seriously.

The coolest thing in the world would be my brother and I going to a Breathe Carolina concert.

I think I should have some sort of format to these blogs.

This isn't even technically a "blog".

It's a "hi i'm 17 years old, in college, and have problems" kind of thing.

I took some nyquil a little bit ago and it's starting to kick in.

Being sick sucks.

I'm going to see Twilight with Nicole tomorrow.

I haven't seen Nicole in two weeks, i'm kind of nervous.

My brother and I are suppose to play Wii Sports tomorrow too.

I hope I stick too it, I wanted to play really badly tonight, but my sister and niece fell asleep in the living room.

I am glad that I actually stick up to date with this thing even though most of my friends quit writing in this.

Yay me :)

I miss Uber.

I didnt even care for uber when I had it, but now i am sad that it is gone.

I really really feel like doing video blogging. 

I got a program for my camera where I can upload my videos right off the DVD to vista.

It use to only work for XP, but Sony gave me a thing to use it for vista. 

I really really like it, and i miss uploading vids.

I am going to upload a lot more.

Well, at least I plan on it.

Video blogging seems so much better.

Anyways, I am tired.

I always think about the same things to blog about.

Wow, i am just typing whatever comes to my mind

93rd post.

It's strange how things one thing eats at me.

I'll be free someday.

I was thinking lastnight of SO MUCH i could write about.

But now I dont feel like it...

Bye.

92nd post.

I am close to 100!

Not even 100 days,

but 100 blog updates.

I am right now listening to Make Love in this Club by Usher.

It makes me think of summer.

Things were cool in summer.

But I came to realize, that Winter is better for me than Summer.

Even though I love the weather in Summer, I get to hangout with my friends more in Winter for some reason.

I still have the same things bothering me in my head that I always mention but never exactly say. Just know that they are still there.

I should be doing a paper right now, but I feel like blogging and procrastinating and doing other things instead. I am slightly excited for drama club tomorrow for some reason. I love my drama club group.

Anyways, I guess that is it for now, i dont feel like writing much today.

(If I felt like writing today, then my essay would have been done) 

obai.

Nobody Writes on this Anymore

I guess that doesn't mean I should too.

This weekend was so amazing.
I had a lot of fun.
I really needed that weekend.

Tomorrow I have family coming over, and I have to clean tremendously for it when I get home.
I also have make up work due tomorrow, and I think i have to have a rough draft of my english essay too that is due in a week.

I'm looking around this cafeteria (i'm at college right now)
and i'm seeing so many people together and stuff.
WHY DO WE FEEL THE NEED TO HAVE SOMEONE ELSE TO SURVIVE?
WHY DO WE NEED ANOTHER PERSON TO BE HAPPY?
Why can't we just be by ourselves and live it that way, and be happy???
I hate this.

Today my dad didn't give me any money for lunch.
I went to my drawer that he puts my money in, and it was empty.
Luckily Candice had some extra fries that she gave to me since she was full.
I have class in 22 minutes. I honestly don't want to go at all.
I have a quiz, so it should go by fast.

I really hope it does.

I'm not even sure why I hope it does.

Today is going by so badly.

I need a rescue.

I think I might be failing my intro to mass media class,

and she might tell me to drop it.

I talked to my dad about it lastnight,

he got so mad/upset/disappointed in me.

I even told him "You finally started to give me freedom, and I abused it by forgetting my responsibilities."

He didn't even seem to care when I said that.

The best thing that could happen today is for my teacher to tell me that i'm not failing, OR that I can redeem myself from failing. I really hope that I can at LEAST redeem myself.

Class is going to start in 17 minutes now.

I'm going to go.

Bye to whoever reads this.

If anyone does.

And thank you for caring about me <3

It eats at me

=/
otherwise,
things are going amazing.

So... I skipped a few days >_>

Yesterday I got up at 6AM with my brother, and it was snowing out. It all melted by later day, so oh well.
Anyways. I met ALOT of new people yesterday :)
I'm glad i got to meet them too, it was fun, and they are awesome, ANDDD, I get to hangout with them tonight.
I'm going to bring my laptop and try to take more pictures since I know everyone better.

I am going to bring my laptop tonight while i work the bakesale,
because I get so bored while working.
I also need to put new song on my laptop to listen to so i dont feel like dying haha.

Wow, I am just rambling, and not even saying anything special.
I still have some things eating away at me.
It's confusing,
I'M confused.

That's it for now.
I have to clean my room UBER clean today.
We have family coming Tuesday

#81

Today was good and bad.
Each took it's turn.
One minute it was good,
one minute it was bad.

Overall, I'd say it was a good day.
I didn't do much, I posted two new videos, and that's it.
I usually dont post alot, but I had to for Socialvibe's streeteam. I really really really want a free socialvibe hoodie to wear.
I dont know why, but I feel this HUGE NEED for clothes.
But, I dont NEED them, I just want new ones.
Weird I guess.

I hate not having stuff to write about.

At first i didnt like my new hair, but now it has grown on me.
I like it alot now actually.
My blonde hair was soo nasty and messy looking, this hair looks alot better.
I need more pictures of it.
I can't just be putting up the same picture on every social profile!

I watched Wall-E.
Such a good kid movie :)
Slow start, but once it got into it, it was really good.
I really want to edit my myspace today.
I'm not sure why, but I really need to edit it.
I also have to do ALOT of math homework,
but it will get done :)
Also I have a tiny bit of english homework that needs to get done.
but that will also get done.

I'm confused with somethings in life right now.
Actually ALOT.
But you have probably read that in my previous posts.

Somehow, every thing's gonna fall,
right into place.
If we only had a way, to make it all...
Fall faster everyday. -Paramore

:)

#79

I'm not doing good in a college class.
I am letting my social life take over my college life.
it's like highschool ALL OVER again.

Right now I have 4 math papers sitting near me that i haven't done,
a Freshman Seminar paper, (not to mention makeup work that is due next week)
I skipped class today in my Mass Media class because I forgot my stuff to my project.
My friend txted me and said "Everyone that skipped today got a zero for their project because ALOT of people skipped"
Is there any help not to procrastinate?
I really could use it... I am HORRIBLE.
My dad walked in and said "If you fail that class, you're college life is over. I'm not paying for any other classes and I give up on you"
It makes me feel so awful because i know how much he wants me to do good, and he's really been letting me go out and do almost whatever I want with my car and stuff. And this is how I repay him? By failing a class?

I hate me right now.
I ruin everything.
And there is no one else to blame.
Just me.

Other than school, the same thing has been bothering me.
It's so strange.
It's so normal to me,
but so bad to everyone else,
and i'm ashamed.

That's it.

Have i lost my mind?

Alot of things have been going through my mind,
but it's the same old stuff I always say on here.

Me worrying about my adolescent life.
blehhh.

asdfgh

AWESOME DAY...
some thoughts bothering me.
but other than that.
amazing.

something needs to be said

If i get 100 dollars...

I want to go to deptford mall and buy hot topic stuff,
and i am going to need someone to come with me.
I want to try to rack up more money to to buy even more stuff.

glamour kills is too expensive
TWLOHA is boring clothing.
Hot Topic... sounds good :)

today was alot of fun :D
i have a new hoodie.

the end.

TWLOHA Day.

Well, today went, VERY WELL.
Besides backing up into a car >_>
Which i will not explain.
But.
It was good.
I dont have much on my mind.
Not more than usual or that I haven't already talked about.

So I guess that's it.

Happy TWLOHA Day :)

3rd attempt to Write this.

I've been interrupted each time I tried to start this.

Tomorrow is To Write Love On Her Arms day.

I'm going to write LOVE really big on my arm, wear my TWLOHA hoodie, my necklace, my wrist band, and carry around a sign that says "LOVE IS THE MOVEMENT" and trying to take pictures with my friends. Which reminds me, Right now, I should be trying to kill the battery.

I hope tomorrow turns out good. 

It's suppose to be a short day :)

I think to ALL my friend who dont write LOVE on their arms... I'm bring a permeant marker to school, and writing it for you. So my friends are going to need to look out.

That is all for now :)

The sick baby is getting better.

You won't understand what it means, but I do.

I'm not sure.

Sometimes it feels really sick again.

But sometimes i thought it was going to be better.

I just can't let it die i guess.

it's so cold in my house.

60ºF is very very cold.

I swear it's colder.

I am shivering and shaking.

Everything is cold.

My walls, my vents, my body, my desk, my chair.

Tomorrow I need to get up really early to go pick classes for Spring semester.

I am scared, I am going to be taking 15 credits instead of 12. I need 60 to transfer to Rowan. I hope tomorrow goes by really easy with no problems. After I sign up for my classes I really need to work on my Mass Media project. I have a 1000 word essay due wednesday afternoon, and a big product placement project. My girlfriend did put up some examples she found on google, but my computer closed out of it. Damnittttttt. Looks like i'm not going to be able to hangout with Scott tomorrow since I have so much work to do.

=/

One time, a person told me "You need to think what you say before you say it"

I am doing bad with that.

I have said some things I should think twice about saying.

=/

My fault.

I think I went from tapping the edges of the boxes and poking my fingers through the holes in the box, to back to hiding in the box.

You might not know what that means,

but it's a talk I had with someone earlier this week.

I need to do a mass media project,

but I haven't even started it.

I might even try to get some done tonight, i'm not sure.

I'll probably just procrastinate till Tuesday.

Ouchies, that reminds me,

I need to schedule an appointment with my advisor.

Ohh snaps, i'm talking to myself.

I'll blog again when i have something more interesting to talk about besides my life.

Alive.

So many emotions are running through me,

that my eyes are red, the hair on the back of my neck is standing,

and I feel so alive right now.

It's a mixed feeling.

It feels so good,

but at the same time, i want to go run as far as I can and not stop.

"Can we last through the winter?

The water's starting freeze..."

Those lyrics are racing through my head right now.

Too much to write just one thing in this blog.

It feels very boggled.

Sorry for that.

Whoever is reading.

Oh great.

Now the nostalgia is kicking in.

It has dawned me.

I am not a little kid that is inside of me.

I'm 17.

I'm in college.

This feeling is scary.

I miss you.

I miss you.

You are such a good friend.

Both of you are.

I dont think people understand how much they mean to me.

I wish we could go back to how we were.

I know we are friends,

but i miss you tons how you were.

BOTH OF YOU

You saved my life one night.

I wasnt going to kill myself.

But i was so upset, and you made it better.

I dont even freakin know you, but your act of kindness surprised and gave me faith in the world again.

I dont know who you are.

We only saw eachother once

but for some reason

you wont get out of my head

i dont know why.

The youngest memories of me is when i was little,

my dad took me to the store to get my cousin a birthday present.

I held his balloon, and walked down the isle holding my dad's hand.

The next one is my dad holding me and patting me on the back as I fell asleep.

I bet nobody knows that.

My life right now is replaying in my mind as i close my eyes.

My parents mean EVERYTHING to me.

Even if they are mean to me sometimes,

they dont mean to.

And i treat them like shit,

and sometimes (like now) it kills me.

I just try to help you alot,

but sometimes you smear it in my face

or try to act better.

Tell me i'm okay.

Hug me and say "JonJon, you are going to make it"

I wish all of you one day,

could give me a hug at once

If I could scream, i would sing like Bert from the Used.

I almost dont care anymore what you think anymore.

God saw what you said,

you'll be punished later.

I am going to take my mind off stuff and hangup posters or something.

WTFack.

This is so strange.

Today I watched Saw V.

It was a REALLY GOOD movie.

I dont know why people said it sucked.

Anyways...

It's so strange.

I was watching the movie,

thinking how EVERYONE I KNOW, is connected some how.

And we are all connected, even if we didnt know it.

I even went through my friend's pictures, and noticed people in there that i know now but did not know before! It's crazy!

I guess that it is.

We are all connected,

it's crazy,

BYE!

Ripples.

Did you ever notice how our life ripples?

One things leads to another?

We all effect each other?

It's strange.

Today someone asked me for directions at the college, 

and I helped him out.

What if something bad happened if I wasn't there to direct him?

What if he was picking up someone?

What if that person was going to wait and wait,

and be kidnapped or something?

I dunno,

i'm letting my mind wander,

but think about.

So many things affect us.

I parked my car on the one side of campus last week,

and walked all the way the other side of campus,

to remember that i parked my car on the other side.

I went to my car and had a safe ride home.

What if I did remember where my car was though,

and I got into a horrible accident?

Maybe me forgetting where I parked prevented that.

It's strange.

I always wonder what my purpose on life is.

I don't think we have just one purpose.

We have many purposes.

Maybe mine today was to help that guy with directions.

Maybe I have long term ones like looking after a friend,

or being friends with someone.

Maybe caring for someone you barely know.

Maybe it's to be in love with someone.

Maybe it's to fall out of love with someone for them to realize something.

We like balance each other.

And I realized that today.

I'm strange =/

NObama

I think Obama is the anti-christ.

Oh well though, he is president now, and there is nothing we can do.

If this is God's will, it will all unfold I guess. =/

Sad.

I want to live.

And go through college.

thanks satan. =/

Today was alright I guess.

Could have been better.

I am probably going to spend this weekend alone.

=)

"Fear me

Step too close to see what I see

Construct desire 

The fine line between disease and what I need

As he enters into the world as a ghost

The terror inflicted scrapes your bones

Let him hold you close"

Today was alright.

Not bad,

not great,

but alright.

Right now I am procrastinating homework, and that's really bad, because i have a TON of stuff to do. I have an essay due tomorrow, actually two, but I am only going to do one. I have alot of make up work due for freshman orientation, but i am not sure what to do for it. I totally forgot that I need to study for my math midterm tomorrow. School kind of takes over my life on weekdays I guess. Friends take it over on the weekends :) 

Now I am blasting hot and cold by katy perry. I am smiling at life right now, and i'm trying so hard not to be brought down. It feels so good to fly like this :)

71... I think?

This weekend was just epicly awesome.

Friday, hung out with...

Scott, my brother, Brenna, Annalisa, Tommie, Matt, Alysha, Ryan, and Mark.

Saturday,

Had a party to go to.

Alysha's party was AMAZING

I dressed up as Jeffree Star.

Sunday,

I hungout with Scott

I guess that's the basics.