Friday Night

Friday was very fun. It started off kind of rocky, but it definitely got a lot better. Dylan came over and we played BRAWL. Haha, sounds lame, but it really wasn't. After we played that we hung out for a little, and then went to the talent show. Talent show... didn't have that much talent. I won't say much because it'd be rude to point out people over the internet. Ryan's band didn't place, which really sucked. After the talent show, Ryan, Alysha, and I went out to eat at Applebees. I'm surprised my dad actually let Ryan drive me and stuff. My dad is so super over-protective. When we were leaving Applebees, Ryan started singing a song, and Me and Alysha joined in at the same time and we all started laughing and stuff, it was so funny and epic. That was seriously, the highlight of my night. I live for random spontaneous moments, and I honestly haven't had one of those in a LONG time, and that was just what I needed. I miss hanging out with my friends. We wanted to hang out again tonight, but my dad said NO, because "I already went out lastnight" I was soooooooooooo angry. Oh well though. Alysha's play is next week, and hopefully my dad will let Ryan drive me to go see it. I love hanging out with them.

Anyways, I guess that is it for now. Today is my lazy day. I haven't left this couch at all. Tomorrow I need to read a history chapter and a short story for English. I hate getting up early for class. Yes, 8:30am is TOO EARLY for me to get up. It sucks. 

That is all for now :)

Thursday and Friday

Right now, I am listening to Fall From A Star by Kill Paradise, and I really have to pee.

Today I woke up with a horrible headache and basically did nothing. I just hungout and layed around. My brother and I played Rockband2 though, so I was glad. I miss him and I hanging out. School started, and we didn't hangout for like almost over a week. Tonight I also talked my dad into letting me go out tomorrow night. I just really need to clean my room in the morning. I always neglect to clean it, and it's VERY VERY dirty. The only thing I hope for tomorrow is that it works out how I am planning it in my head. What I have planned in my head is really fun, but I have definitely learned over the years not set my expectations so high. I'm going to watch everything with Dylan. I think I am also going to take my video camera with me, or some kind of camera. I really want to record stuff or take pictures. I'll probably update tomorrow afternoon if I get bored, or when I get home. 

4 Day Weekends

So right now I am up being bored, talking to anyone willing to listen and talk back I guess. I think I might actually wake up and do some homework. I use to always procrastinate, and I really need to stop that. I also need to contact my friends to see how much tickets are for the talent show. Hopefully my dad will let me go or something. I'm not even fully sure if I want to go or not. I'm not sure how i'm going to get there. I've kind of hinted at my friends that I would like a ride, but i never got an answer from them.

GAHH

times right now suck.

i hope they get better.

i am done with trying to talk to people.

they can talk to me if they want.

Blah @ Today

It's wet and snowy.

The college called and said that classes before 10am were cancelled. 

I had a class that goes from 930am to 11am. I'm worried that they still continued class or something... I hope I didn't miss anything.

That's the only thing bothering me right now besides the other things that are bothering me right now.

Random Things

This isn't just for you if you're reading it. (this kind of post)

It's for me to go back and kind of laugh at, see what's different, things like that. 

I always wash my body first, and then my hair in the shower.

I like putting on my clothes before I go to sleep so I can wake up in the morning and just go.

I could live at night time and sleep through the day for the rest of my life and be content about it.

I love to travel, but it's been so long since i've left New Jersey or Pennsylvania. 

So far I only like one class on my spring semester at college.

Right now it's snowing at least (or at least it was last time i checked)

I really hope there is no school tomorrow, that would be so epic.

I really want to start going to more shows.

Hopefully me going more places and traveling changes when i'm 18.

If you haven't read some of my previous posts, I really want a digital camera.

I love taking pictures of my friends, especially random ones.

I feel like I haven't really hung out with ALL of my friends since December 31st.

I want to hang out with them all the time but it seems like we never contact each other.

Fat Lip by Sum41 use to be my favorite song in 2006.

I think AT THIS MOMENT my favorite song is Spiderwebs by No Doubt.

I haven't played Rockband2 in over a week, and that makes me sad.

I think I should go blow dry my hair more right now.

I don't know why I am up right now, i'm going to be so tired in the morning.

I really want to make new friends, and I feel like ever since i went to college, I have failed in that.

I stopped playing guitar, and I dont know why. 

I really need to pick it back up again, it was fun.

I miss the warm weather.

I want to go to wildwood a lot this summer.

I'm bored.

The End :)

It's sad that these things still go on like this...

So, I was at the library attempting to read some history. I have to have the first chapter read by Monday, which isn't too bad; I'm halfway through. So this lady picked up her cellphone and started talking. She was trying to be quiet, but she obviously wasn't because I heard everything she was saying. It was so stupid. She was talking about pictures on a girl's myspace of a guy and a girl kissing, some guy txting her, something about some girl wanting to fight her. WOW is all I have to say. I thought this was college, and she's behind me arguing like some little girl in highschool. I'm really starting to get an idea of things NEVER going to change. Today I was bored so I e-mailed my mom a picture of me. The message said "he hehehehehe :)" and it was a picture of one of my earrings on my lip. And she frowned and got really pissed off and started yelling at me. Things are such big deals to people, when it really shouldn't be. I have a problem with making some things a big deal, I won't lie, I do.

I tried to txt some people, ask them if they wanted lunch. One person said she was sorry and that she had plans, which is cool, I totally forgot she had some plans. The other two, didn't even answer me back. I really feel unloved with my friends. Nobody offers to be in pictures with me, some offer to hangout, but since I have a hitler for a father, I never get to hangout. And they think I am lying and that I really don't want to hangout with them, OR that I will never be able to hangout at all. 

I feel so controlled.

I have class in 20 minutes. And my stomach hurts really badly from today.

I forgot my lunch money by the way. I was going to have a nice salad, but then i pulled out my wallet to find no money, so then I had to go and get some pretzels and a soda. 

One of the friends who didn't answer me just txted me and said that he was napping.

What about the other friend?

I feel so sick.

I wish I lived in Minnesota. That would be pretty cool.

I think that's where I want to go live or something when I am older.

Linkin Park Socialvibe

I had a street team order to post this for Linkin Park :)

Hi depression.

I've been waiting...

Well, today was my first day of Spring Semester.

First class was Psychology. It was alright, the teacher seemed nice, and the class was very interesting.

Second class was Western Civilization. Which seems pretty hard. We already have to read chapter one, and have a 5 minute oral report prepared to present to the class in two weeks. 

Third class was English. By that point, I was trying to soak everything in, and we were talking about prepositional phrases. I don't care how this dumb this sounds, I really don't know what they are. We were talking about a few different things at the time, and I just kind of got confused and drifted off. The teacher called upon me, and I said "I dont know the answer" and he said "Have you been paying attention at all?" and I replied "Not really, i'm sorry." and he said "Well, you should drop this class then. There is a waiting list of about seventeen people that would love to fill your seat." and that really discouraged me. I felt like shit for two hours afterwards.

Then I had lunch. Sat with the same people from last semester, and it was almost like we never left. Everything clicked. I started to kind of get that feeling where something wasn't it right or missing. Like that feeling where I don't belong. I tend to get that feeling a lot. I mean, i'm sure I was welcome and stuff, but it was just weird.

After that, I had Math. This is the first time I ever dosed off with my head in hand. If that makes sense... Like, my arm was holding my head up, and I kept drifting off. And then I finally got so sleepy that my head fell on the desk and knocked over my soda and everyone looked at me. I just picked it up and acted like nothing was wrong. It sucked. 

That's how my day went so far. I came home and my dad was yelling and bitching at me to do chores and take out the trash. I'm so tired. Tired mentally. Tired physically. And i'm also starting to get tired of this school routine... And it's just the first day. That's sad.

I won't be Seventeen forever.

And in a way, i'm excited.

I'm excited for what can happen.

Do you want to know how I imagine being 18 will be?

I'll be able to go wherever i want. (that is reasonable) I'm definitely sure if I said "Mom, Dad, i'm going to go to Texas to see my stickam friends!!" they would say no. But I want to be able to at least be like "Hey mom, dad, some friends and I wanted to go to Ocean City Thursday for the day, is that cool?" and them saying "Sure, if you have the money! have fun!" I want to come home with some ear piercings, have them roll their eyes, say they dont like it, but still accept it since i'm 18, an adult. I expect to come home and get my lip pierced, have them roll their eyes, but still accept it since i'm an adult. I dont think I want to get a tattoo. Piercings can be taken out at times, and taken out when i'm older. But not tattoos. I just wish my parents see that it's only temporary. 

I don't feel like typing anymore. There is so much I can say, but I dont know how to get it down in words. I'd have to like spill my heart out on this blog to explain it all.

I'm just really worried that i'm going to be 18, and nothing is going to be different. I use to be depressed with life, but since Christmas, ALL i've been looking forward to is being 18. Hell, I even have a countdown on my myspace that says 108 and 22 hours till i'm 18. It's what i'm looking forward to. That there will be change, and something will be different. 

This blog is taking me forever to write because I am watching Castaway. Scott put it on and then went to sleep. I watched pretty much the whole thing, and it's such a sad movie. Like it forreal made me sad. 

I think this post failed. 

It was going to huge talking about what I can't wait for when i'm 18.

Buttttt

I guess it's only going to say a little bit now.

Sorry.

Camera? Hopefully...

Right now, I am at Scott's house hanging out with Jeff.

I am trying to save up money for a camera. 

I might have enough for half of one, but I really really want a nice one. 

So I might ask my brother if he wants to split the cost for a nice one. 

The only thing is that we've have to share it.

And i don't know how well that would work. 

I mean, it'd be good for a while,

but THENNNN, I just know that it would come to a moment where we would both want to use the camera on the same night, and then we'd break into a big fight about who needs it more and stuff, so I might just spare the drama, unless we really really want a nice one. I'm about to go look on Walmart.com or something to see if there is any good cameras. I looked at Best Buy yesterday and saw one that kind of caught my eye. It was a Sony one, and it had touch screen. (the touch screen was the only downside, because it's hard to see the touchscreen in broad daylight)

Anywaysssssssssssssssss,

we're waiting for scott's parents to leave the living room so we can watch Step Brothers.

Tomorrow's Plan and Today

I slept most of the day away today. It was around 8am that I finally passed out. I woke up around noon, managed to stay up till about 4pm, and then took an hour nap. Before that all happened, something happened with Nicole and her friends... don't want to explain it on here.

Anyways,

tomorrow I am suppose to go sell my books at college. I really don't want to, but I have to.

That's all I really have to say tonight. I might sleep soon

Wow

So, it seems like everytime I say how happy my life is on here, something happens that makes the day after miserable. It was pretty bad, except that Nicole came over and brought me a poster that she bought me. It's a RockBand one. It's tre cool :).

I went to bed around 2am, and woke up at 3pm. It was pretty crazy. I just slept, and slept. I have been doing that a lot lately. Today i dealt with a lot of "stress" i guess you can call it, but hopefully tomorrow will be better. 

My dad talked to me about some things lastnight though.

He said...

He might not let me drive to South Dakota.

I'm going to buy my mom's car from her when I am 18 with my own money

No more truck after i'm 18 and buy it.

Which, I dont mind ANY of them except for the one about South Dakota...

I mean, i have money to pay for the car, and he wants it to be in my name, so that will be really good. But I really wanted to see my friends in South Dakota, and i'm sad that I don't get to... Maybe things will change and they will say yes, but for now, it doesn't look good.

I really hope things get better for me when i'm 18. 

Even though things seem like they will...

I highly doubt it will work out.

I'm trying to keep my head high, but I really doubt it.

Something tells me that I won't be going out as much as I plan, and that my dad won't let me get anything pierced, even though i'll be 18.

111 days till i'm 18.

It feels like so long,

and it will be long.

2008.

Let's linger on the past ONE MORE TIME.

So right now, I am listening to United State Of Pop 2008. So many memories are going through my head. Wow... Just so much. Music triggers memories in my head. 2008 seems really bad, but now that I think about it, it was an amazing year. Right now i'm really thinking about it, and now i'm sad it's gone. I was so happy that it was gone so a better year could come, but looking back on it, it wasn't that bad at all. I hope 2009 turns out to just as good, if not better than 2009. I hope there is so many more memories.

I went to bed at 2am yesterday morning, and woke up at 3pm yesterday afternoon. I then went to bed again at 1:30am this morning, and woke up 2 hours later. My sleep schedule is sooo messed up. All i know is that it needs to be fixed by Monday, which I am sure it will be by then. I am looking forward to Beauty and the Beast practice next month. That is going to be fun. I also think that I am going to go to Ocean City next weekend. I really want to take pictures there, even though I dont have a good camera. I guess it's better than nothing. I am going to ask Nicole if she remembers where her polaroid is. I'd love to buy some film for it, and take pictures to upload to flickr or something. That'd be amazing! 

Anyways, I guess this is it for now. I am going to update my blog layout and stuff because it seems so plain and dark. Life isn't like that. I am so glad I am finding optimism and trying to let things just pass by as they go.

I love you and life :)

Thanks for reading this.

On A Second Note...

I guess I am going to type some things on my mind, in list order.

About A Girl by The Academy Is, is such an amazing song. 

It is amazing because it's about time there is a girl hating song.

I hope God tips her in hell for her two stupid recent singles. 

I'm currently watching Room Raiders.

My niece's fish bowl smells like farts and salt.

I can't wait till i'm 18.

I really hope I follow through with getting my lip pierced after my 18 birthday.

I plan on getting my septum in August, but hiding it from my family.

Right now the song has changed to Our Truth by Lacuna Coil.

And now it has changed to Party Foul by Attack Attack.

I am talking to HayleyMarie on MSN.

My stomach hurts.

I want to have a small party for my 18th birthday.

At my party we will play Rockband 2 and Guitar Hero 4.

I also want to record some dancing videos or something for youtube.

I wanted to do that for my last party, but didn't get the chance to :(

I love taking pictures with people.

Uhhhh, I guess that's it.

Mr. Millville

Today I went to the highschool. I had a lot of fun. I'm so glad i'm not in high school anymore.

there is a lot to say, but i dont know how to say it i guess.

Friday

Friday went pretty well, not as I expected it to be, but better. It's very cold in New Jersey. 2 degrees to be exact. A lot of my internet friends are in harsher conditions, but it's pretty cold for us here. I'm glad I didn't go to third friday. Instead, Scott and Tori came over to play Rockband 2 and some other board games. I played Taboo for the first time tonight, and I really really really like it. 

I'm so tired right now. It's almost 6am. I still have troubles sleeping in forever and staying up late. I'll need to fix that.

I'm not sure why I keep updating this thing, i dont have much to say.

Oodles of Noodles

So today, I cooked oodles of noodles on the stove for the first time! To my surprise, the house didn't burn down, and it tasted very good! I am so dreading going back to school in a week, it sucks. I hope I make some new friends though. That would be awesome. Like I was saying before though, I really need to do good this year.

So tomorrow (or technically right now) it's third friday. I think I am going to go. I miss going out, and I haven't really been out lately, and I can't wait to finally go out and stuff. I just hope my parents say yes.

Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I can't wait till i'm 18.

Strive

I think if I want to get my lip pierced, then I really need to get all A's in my College classes. It's going to be soooo freakin hard though. I never work to my full potential. But I think if I am going to get my lip pierced when I am 18, I cant really use it to my advantage.... This is going to be so hard... and I dont think i can do it...

Sorry.

It's been a while.

Sorry for that. 

Lately I have been playing guitar a LOT. Not actually playing full songs and stuff, but i'm learning. I'm teaching myself. I found some stuff easy enough for me to play, and i'm working on it. I'm really been working on God Called In Sick Today by AFI and Dammit by Blink182. I also worked on a little bit of How You Love Me Now by Hey Monday. 

I think i might edit this blog to try to make it cooler or something. It seems so blah and dark and plain. 

Lately I have been missing my friends. I haven't hungout with them in 2 weeks. I've been hanging out with Nicole, but that is pretty much it. Not that hanging out with her is horrible or anything, I just miss my friends a lot. I really don't get invited anywhere by them. My dad usually says no so much that I guess they have finally decided to not even bother asking anymore. Which sucks, because sometimes it's worth a shot. I hope when i do hangout with them, it will be fun.

SHE'S DRESSED TO KILLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

I DONT KNOW WHAT TO WEAR!!

SHE'S DRESSED TO KILLLLLLLLL!

SHE'S DRESSED TO KILL!

- Dressed For Friend Requests by Drop Dead, Gorgeous.

The reason why that is up there, is because they are playing in Vineland, NJ. I really hope that I can go... They are so amazing, and i've been wanting to see them live for so long. I am finally glad that they are coming here. I just really really really really really really really really really really hope that I can go. It would be amazing. Super amazing...

Anyways...

Sometimes, i think all i do is want want want want want want want.

What if I got what i wanted??

Would i be happy? 

Oh well, i'm going to go.

Bye :)

Thing I want to accomplish in 2009.

Get my ears pierced again.

Get my lip done.

Go to Wildwood at least 5 times.

Lose 20 lbs.

Get only A's and B's in College for my final grades.

Make a new good friend.

Go see a concert (At least one)

Go see a local show. (at least one)

Go to some other state besides New Jersey and Pennsylvania. 

Go to Ocean City at least 5 times.

Meet someone from a band in person.

Meet someone from stickam this year.

Learn to play a couple of songs on Guitar.

Write a song.

Play on Hard for Drums on Rockband2/Guitar Hero 4

Learn how to vocally scream.

Get to hangout with friends more.

I might update this later,

but this is it for now.

and i'll cross things off as i go along with them.

Tell me what you think about it :)

I hope someday this will be different. Not the happy things, they can stay. But it's best if the worst things went away.

The "privlages" i am given feel like something offered to a prisoner who has commited the most awful of crimes.

I wouldnt even be surprised if these chains stayed on me even after I am 18.

It always seems like something is holding me back to what i want...

Hold on a second...
What do i really want?

I wish i knew.

I hope things change.
I really hope they do.

Future.

I thought 2009 was going to bring in a nice bright future.

It seems like the past grabbed my ankles and started dragging me back.

I really want to go back and change things.

I can't take this.

I don't want to be a lone at all. For the past five days I have been with friends. I feel impervious to the past haunting me when I am with my friends. My mind gets taken off of things, and I just have fun. Why can't i be like that all the time?

Gah, i dont even know why i update this thing.

nobody reads it,

and even if they do,

they dont say anything.

they can try to make me feel better.

but nothing is working.

i need someone to succeed. 

some rescue me?

god i sound so retarded.