=(

I really wish i had my voice back....

So even though there is nothing I can do about...

but I really can't stand it.

Right now, I am at intermission for Beauty and the Beast... and sadly... I have only sang my parts... My voice is so thrashed, and it happens to be the night where everything is going well, except for fucking me. IT'S HORRIBLE AND SO UNFAIR. 3 of my BEST friends are here tonight, and i can't even sing for them.

People have been coming up to me that know me (during other shows) and said that they could really hear me, I even have a microphone for Christ's sake so I can be heard... It really frustrates me. It makes me so mad.

I'm just ranting on, but i'm so mad...

This always happens to me...

It's so ironic,

and i'm having fun dancing on stage, but i love singing too.

I feel like I am really disappointing my friends...

and i'm extremely disappointing myself.

Sorry you have to read this pityness...

Right Now,

Right now I am sitting down in a dressing room during a rehearsal. 

I don't even know what to say.

This is the second show, and my voice is pretty messed up. We just sang Belle, and i'm a little panicky because my throat started to feel very scratchy. 

I'm really worried about stuff...

a lot of stuff...

just mainly school stuff...

=/

I don't even know what to say.

I wish someone could like... I don't know.

Be with me and make me happy no matter what.

And like, no matter i'll just forget the world.

That thing doesn't exist though.

Maybe it does, but i don't know.

Something is Stirring.

So I am noticing something. I want to talk about it on here, but it seems that I really can't do that... which sucks, i'd really like to get it out.

I'm right now in math class... I dont understand any of it.
But besides that, i really wish i could talk about what i want to talk about. I think i am going to txt someone about it...

Rehearsals Again

Right now I am at rehearsals typing this.

I'm really busy, that's why I haven't updated. 

I have a bout 3 weeks of school left,

which is pretty bad because I really need to pull my grades up...

Beauty and the Beast opens up in 3 days,

it's quite nerve-racking,

but still exciting.

I think we are pretty much ready.

Well...

Got to go.

Books.

For so long, i would make fun of people reading books.

Well, not really making fun of them or think less of them, but just pick on them. I'd say things like "Why don't you just watch the movie?" or things like that. But now I am looking at things differently. My girlfriend brought me Twilight from her house. I know you're probably thinking OH MY GOD NOT TWILIGHT AGAIN PEOPLE NEED TO SHUT UP ABOUT THAT. I really don't care. I've seen the movie twice, and i've been dying to know what happens ever since. I started reading the first book, and it was definitely a smart thing to do. There is so much in the movie that is worth reading and it's so amazing. This weekend I read Seven Chapters. I NEVER read, so it's pretty weird to be doing that. I think that Twilight has inspired to go read books of movies that I have seen already. I definitely think that after I read the Twilight series, i'm going to try to jump into the Lord of the Rings books. I already read the Hobbit, so now i'll just have to start with the Fellowship of the Ring. I'm pretty sure that the book will be filled with so much more than the movie, even though the movie was so amazing and epic. I really want to read more of Twilight, but my eyes are so dry. My mind is really tired, but my body is up. 

Tomorrow I am going to Deptford with a lot of my friends to go get some stuff for Beauty and the Beast. We need to find a book and buy some supplies. We also are probably going out to eat. My brother says that he is going to see if we can all go to Olive Garden. That would be pretty awesome if we could, since I have never gotten to eat there before. I only got to have desert there once. I'm also glad about going to Deptford because of the mall! I haven't been to a hot topic in seriously, about a year. The hot topic at our mall closed a year ago, and i've been sad ever since. So i think that I might pickup a band tshirt or even a To Write Love on Her Arms tshirt if they still have them there. I'm really excited for the trip. Not to be negative, but usually when i'm excited for something.... it doesn't work out the way I planned, which can suck. I'm just really expecting tomorrow to be a fun day, and hopefully even if there is some minimal changes, i really hope that it goes well.

Changing subjects again,

I can't wait for the weather to be warm. Ever since January or so, we go through the phases for one week it's nice and warm, and then the next, it's FREEZING. Right now I am laying in my bed shivering. 

I played Rockband 2 for 6 hours today..

Gah, i'm getting tired and just blabbing now.

I need to leave in 7 hours,

so I probably have to be up in 6.

Lol, why do i do this to myself? FML

Anyways...

Sleepytime now.

I miss doing big blog updates like this. 

Okay, now i am really leaving,

bye.

I'll talk about this more later ;)

Right now i am killing time during beauty and the beast. We were told to go into the dressing rooms and be quiet, so that is what i am doing right now. Advisement day (well, talking the advisor) didnt go to well...

I'll talk more about it later hopefully. I really need to start doing my work and studying...

Advisement.

This morning in about 40 minutes, i have a meeting with my advisor. I hope it all goes well with him and that I can get everything done. I am really nervous about my classes. I am probably going to have to drop math, but I think my dad has already accepted it... I'm going to talk to my math teacher about my grade first, but i'm most likely dropping it. I guess i'll have to take a winter course or summer course to get my credits up more.  

I think my dad doesn't think I care...

But i do care...

I guess i just don't show it.

I feel bad.

Well, i'm going to go get ready some more and then leave to talk to my advisor... I'm really praying it all works out well. After the meeting, I am probably coming back home.

Deep Trouble Ahead.

I have fooled around too much in college... I am really worried about my grades now... Too late to worry i guess. I really hope i can make next semester better ans be able to scratch through this semster..... I really hope i dont get grounded.

I'm not sure if people read this still.

If you do, thanks a lot :)

Lastnight was a lot of fun. I had some friends come over and we had a good time. Well, they might be labeled as my brother's friends, but I call them mine too =)

I think it's gotten hot enough (well, warm enough) outside to start my annual fan never shutting off in my room haha. We were all playing rockband2 lastnight and it started to get REALLY HOT in my room, so we turned on the fan. Ever since, I haven't turned it off. And i think this starts of it never going off until winter again. 

I'm just blabbing.

I'm getting ready to go to the mall with my brother.

It's funny,

everytime i go out with him,

i always have 1 bar on my cellphone's battery.

I dream big.

My friend pointed that out to me. Some people don't dream big... I just realized that too. 

Haha, i am so emotional now,

i am like crying out of happiness.

and i'm not even happy

wtf

i need help haha

Designer Skyline in my Head

Designer Skyline by Owl City is stuck in my head.

Friday has been going pretty good :)

Red Bench.

Right now I am laying on a red bench at college. I feel kind of weird doing it because everyone else is just sitting on them, but it's padded and feels like a bed to me. I've been so busy with rehearsals, that's why I really haven't gotten a chance to sit down and talk about things. Depression is kind of getting back to me again. I'll have to trace back and see how it started again, but it's been going at it again for almost a month. My grades are slipping, I think that is the main thing. The first semester of college (fall) seemed SO EASY... Now this semester is so hard. I'm doing bad in Math, English, and probably Psychology too. That means i'm only doing good in two classes, Western Civ and Writing for TV/Radio. 

Gah, i'm going to go now.

Class in 23 minutes. <3