Only once? No.

Who said i had to write only once a day? Nobody did. I can't sleep. I feel so tired, i know that i have to be awake in 6 hours to go to the doctors for my heart appointment, but i cant sleep. I just lay there so restlessly. I have a feeling soon i'll walk out my door, look around, blink, and the rush of autumn's cold will surround my body, there will be nothing in me to warm my body, and i will walk around cold and by myself. I didnt do my college work that is due Tuesday, but no big deal, because it's due tuesday and not tomorrow. I will just do it tonight. I have decided that this isn't just going to be a once in a day thing. Whenever i need this vent, and there is nobody to leak to, this will be it. I'm almost about to bleed my feeling in this, the things i talked about hiding in the previous posts. One day it will all come out. I bet when things do come out, i'll want to take them back, but can't. But maybe it will help me live my life? Crawl out of my little cave? 

I'm going to change this to positive things that happened this weekend.

Driving around with Scott was ALOT of fun, even though we only went to Wawa and the bank, it was fun. 

Hmm... what else was fun

Ms Holly City was actually so much fun. It was very very entertaining. More fun then i thought that i'd have.

Hanging out with Ryan, Alysha, and Dylan at Ryan's house was alot of fun to. I showed them Clerks 2, and we also watched the Wedding Singer, and Pee Wee's Big Adventure, hahahah. 

It was so funny, after Pee Wee's Big Adventure, some gay/lez show came on, and it was little play mobile people, that were gay, and it was so strange. By the time it was on, Alysha and Ryan had went to bed, and me and dylan were stuck watching it, we were laughing so fucking hard. 

After I left Ryan's house, i got grounded for two weeks from driving my truck wherever i want, but hopefully my dad will get over that and shorten it, or forget about it. 

I feel that i didnt really make an effort to hangout some people that I really want to, and now i'm going to try harder to do so. I miss seeing ALOT of my friends. You dont realize how many people you are close with because you have to see them everyday in school, or that you are good friends because you see eachother everyday. 

What else is on my mind...

I still haven't started my Intro to Mass Media Journal... I should really start that this week, like tuesday or so. Maybe even tonight?

I want to get a digital camera really badly. I have a video camera, but it doesnt take that good of pictures. I am going to look them up, maybe i'll get one for Christmas? I want at least a good 8MP one, if not better. I also want the new iPod nanos. I have 9gigs of music, and the new nanos hold 16gigs. BUTTTT, itouch also holds 16gigs, and I might get that for the ability to go online and stuff, but then again, i already have a laptop that does that. So i think i'll be getting the nano.

I feel so tired right now, and i can't sleep.

There is so many thoughts dancing through my head right now. 

My own bed doesnt even feel comfortable. I might make it comfortable, haha.

Maybe i'll throw some blankets all over it or something and make it super soft. 

I wish someone could put their arms around me as i sleep tonight. 

I am going to check my facebook now, and other things.

Again, if anybody actually reads this.

you are amazing.