I'm Content With Losing.

"I'm half way there and it's all on me
This is what I get for wanting more, for wanting more
This is the way its got to be
Dancing on all these changes
So I walk around with this rope in my hand

So I'll tie it around and around, and around
I'll tie me down"

Tonight, i feel like the loser. The one who never wins. I'm not the only one that is probably sitting here in the world feeling like that, but it still sucks to feel this way. Lately i've been feeling indescribable. Its like bitterness with a pinch of nostalgia and a dash of confusion.  There is ALOT of things on my mind right now. My sleep schedule is very messed up, and i have a horrible headache. 

My interview today at Wawa went alright today, it would have went AMAZING if it wasnt for me being 17. If i was 18 i would have gotten the job. They needed alot of people for the midnight shift (Midnight to 7am), which i have no life, i was willing to work that, but you need to be 18 to do that. I wasnt upset, but i was very disappointed. I guess all i can rely on now is my College Work Study. I just dont want to be stuck at home. I hate sitting in front of this stupid machine, staring at a bright monitor sitting in the dark. I figured if i had college, college work study, a job at wawa, studying, and homework, i'd have things to do, and would be able to take my mind off of things. I have a feeling that my life isnt going to change much since when i quit school. I fear i'm going to be stuck here in my room by myself with my computer and my music.

I guess this is it for now. I'll update more tomorrow. I love whoever reads this :)

Blue and Yellow

"And it's all in how you mix the two,
And it starts just where the light exists.
It's a feeling that you cannot miss,
And it burns a hole,
Through everyone that feels it. "

So i ended up getting up around noon, and went to Wawa with my dad. We spoke the assistant manager, and she told me to stop by around 9am - 9:30am tomorrow to talk to her. I hope everything goes well, i am so extremely nervous. Almost 13 hours till i go! 

This might sound strange, and i'm not saying i'm fully mature, or that i still dont act immature, but i feel like i overall matured some. Some things just seem childish to me. Some of my ideas or something, it's things I wanted in high school, and maybe my parents are right. College is very different from high school? 

I guess that is pretty much it for today? I figured i would have had a lot to write about today, but i guess not. My mom was talking to me about how she thinks i can manage a job at Wawa, College, and College Work Study since i have a lot of free time on my hands. She is more supportive than my dad. NOW i am done :)

Some Will Seek Forgiveness, Others Escape

"And I swear I'll know your face in the crowd
And I'll hear your voice so loud
When you're whispering"

Well, to start everything off, i went to bed around 7 am. I just couldn't sleep. There was way too many things going on in my mind. Thinking about college, working, more working, leaving highschool, trying to be happy, trying to act mature, things like that. I'm going to actually go in Wawa tomorrow and talk to the lady about my availability. I really hope i get to work there. I've been really obsessed with socialvibe lately. Getting people to join, things like that. I got 2000 points, so they are going to send me my pink socialvibe balls. I am so happy. Also, today was my dad's birthday, and nicole came over. We ate cake and dinner, hahaha. We also played Kirby 64 on my wii :D It was alot of fun.

BTW, TWLOHA is amazing as hell. Their intro video almost made me cry. 

That is all for today i guess. 

I will update tomorrow night and say how things went.

The Spotlight Lives in All of Us

And we'll set the stage
and walk away to find what's taken"

College is now in 5 days. This little gathering or whatever is tuesday night though. My dad is encouraging me to go out for clubs, and being really social, but in a way, i dont feel like it. I mean, i want new friends, but i dont know how to explain it. I guess i am shy of meeting new people? Everyone says I am so sociable and outgoing and i'm good at talking with people, but it is not easy. If there is something interesting, or if i see a good club, i'll join. 

My brother is finishing up college, and he wants me to do the Fencing club, i'm like "WHATTT??". I might do it with him, we'll find out tuesday.

I really have nothing else to say.

I guess i'll update tomorrow :)

Quick UPDATE!

Wawa called me, and they told me to call them tomorrow to talk about my availability. I am soo nervous!! My dad doesn't think i'll last a week though, and i yelled at him for it, and got in trouble. So now i am waiting to see how that is going to turn out =/