9/17/08

Today was alright I guess, or for the most of it. The beginning didnt go so well, but I feel it got better as time progressed. 

I've spent most of today regretting me going to Cumberland County College instead of going to Rowan or some other place, which I would have loved. I like college a lot, but i dont know. There is just something i dont like about it there. I can put my finger on it, but i dont feel like saying it. 

Everything happens for a reason i guess.

I guess i'll know my reason in time.

Also,

isnt it strange how a gesture of a stranger can mean so much to you?

Update

So right now, i am trying EVERYTHING i can think of to try to get this fucking dye out of my hair. I'm so stupid. It wont come out. I got it from red, to light pink. 

I wouldn't mind going to school with the red, cause it's looked cool, but the pink looks so dumb. I am so drained lately.

I am a wreck.

I am a wreck.

I am a wreck.

no title.

It feels that lately, i am not me.

I am what my parents want me to be.

and i fucking hate it.

tonight, dumbass me decided to dye my bangs red.

no big deal i figured, it washes out in two weeks.

HA, nope.

I get screamed at by my sister calling me a faggot, my brother just goes "O_O", my dad says he gives up on life, and my mom just looks like this "-_-" with no fucking emotion. My niece starts chanting how ugly i look, and how i look like a faggot. 

My sister comes up to me and tells me to try to wash it out, because my dad wants to shave my head.

It's not even so much that i cant dye my hair, I cant fucking do anything.

I get to go to school, and then go back home. I cant go anywhere, I can't buy my own clothes, i can't get my own piercings, i cant drive wherever i want, I cant look like how i want to look.

I can't fucking take it.

I hate me right now.

I hate everything about me right now.

I hate it all.

all.

freshman

So right now i just got done doing my freshman seminar homework. I shouldn't have neglected it until 3am the day it is due, but oh well. I learned my lesson and wont do it again. I tried to go to sleep around 10, but i dont even remember me sleeping. I just remember waking up, and it was midnight. I really need to fix my sleep schedule, i need sleep so badly. I have an awful headache right now from staying up. 

Tomorrow i am going to ask my freshman seminar teacher if we are allowed to post things on the bulletin boards at school. All of them are so empty, and I want to put socialvibe flyers, and to write love on her arms flyers. I might even take a picture with him for a socialvibe order. I might save that for my mass media teacher because it kinda goes along with the class. Speaking of that class, i have a video project do for it monday, and i dont want to do it at all. I hate group work. I dont mind the person i'm working it, i just hate group work. I'd rather do things on my own sometime.

I guess that's it for now, i'm going to wait till my laptop is done charging, and then unplug it and go to bed.