4am Almost...

Still a lot of stress going on, but just saying that I am still alive and fighting to relieve it. I can't sleep. Not even sure why, my mind is so tired but my body is still awake.

I'm feeling pretty lonely. A lot lately. We will need to talk about this, when i am actually on the internet to blog, and not just my phone.

Worrying too much...

That's what i am doing right now. Worrying WAYYYYY too much. I need to update this when i get home.

200th post.

I should have a lot more posts than that. 

I really wish I wrote in this thing more.

If you don't live around me,

the weather in New Jersey has been cold and wet for almost a week. The week before though, we had 90 degree temperatures, and it felt like spring was definitely here. Now it's a lot colder, in the 50s and 60s, and I seriously can't take it. I don't know what it is about cold weather, but it really depresses me. I was so happy that the warmth was coming, dancing around my house, taking pictures outside with the blue sky as my background... and now there is only gray. I have to wear a hoodie to keep warm in MAY. MAY! Usually in May it's so hot and humid outside. Not this year. My birthday is in 9 days from today. I'm really nervous about it. 

If you remember those posts from forever ago... Remember how I was excited to turn 18? The excited is gone. No, the excitement is DEAD. It really can't come back either.

I'm stressing out over so many things. Right now, mainly school. I have so many papers that are due tomorrow and next week that I seriously c an't take it. I'm going nuts!

Then there is prom and girlfriend troubles.

Can't talk about that much on here even though i'd like to.

What else is there?

What's going on for this summer? 

Not sure.

Probably Bye Bye Birdie, but i'm starting to have my doubts on things other than that.

I honestly can't feel like I have anything to look forward to.

I'm going to New York MAy 27th, ...but I even have my doubts about that.

My optimism is gone.

It's not dead though,

i'm sure it can come back.

Also,

how do I get rid of this emptiness feeling inside of me?

Gah, sorry for the F bomb.

I was pretty upset...

turns out that my english essay isn't due till wednesday, so i can calm down a little bit.

i need to stop being so hard on myself.